IT INTERVIEW : Tooo Funny

IT INTERVIEW : Tooo Funny

Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.

Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication
engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.

Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had
never heard of this college before!

Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an
admission into it ..
What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in
12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college.
But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not
invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I
will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this
college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be
related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.

Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete
your engineering.

Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But
you know, these cricket matches and football
world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate.
So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took
4 + 2 = 7 years.

Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.

Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I
will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good,
thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think
they should ban it.

Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be
banned.

Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!

Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?

Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never
thought I would complete it. In fact, when i
flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus
corporation in Maharashtra ) through some relative.

Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?

Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower'
education itself was so much of pain!!

Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms
have you worked?

Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my
current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have
experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)

Interviewer: And which languages have you used?

Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet
in German, French, Russian and many other languages.

Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?

Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a
higher version than VB. I heard very soon they
are coming up with a new language VD!

Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?

Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the
language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.
Interviewer: What is your general project experience?

Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of th! e
times they are in pipeline!

Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?

Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd.
Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining
BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.

Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?

Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know
Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to
dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And
very important - I know few words like -
'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes',
'SEI-CMM','quality' ,'versioncontrol ','deadlines' , 'Customer
Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!

Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?

Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not
have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear
t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so
as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term
preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer
US, Australia and Europe . But considering the fact that there is Olympics coming up in
China in the current year, I don't mind
going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't
have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?

Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to INFOSYS.

The fellow was appointed in a newly created section 'Stress Management' in the HRD of Infosys.

वक़्त नही : Waqt Nahi - Awesome

वक़्त नही !

वक़्त   नही !

हर   ख़ुशी   है लोगों  के दामन  में ,  
पर   एक हँसी   के लिए  वक़्त नही .  
दिन   रात दौड़ती  दुनिया में,  
ज़िंदगी   के लिए   ही वक़्त   नही .  

मा  की लोरी  का एहसास  तो है ,  
पर   मा को   मा कहने  का  वक़्त नही .  
सारे  रिश्तों को   तो हम  मार चुके,  
अब   उन्हे दफ़नाने   का भी   वक़्त नही .  

सारे  नाम मोबाइल   में   हैं,  
पर   दोस्ती के   लिये वक़्त  नही .  
गैरों  की क्या   बात करें ,  
जब  अपनो के   लिए ही   वक़्त नही .  

आँखों  मे है   नींद बड़ी ,  
पर   सोने का   वक़्त नही .  
दिल  है गमो  से  भरा हुआ,  
पर   रोने का   भी वक़्त   नही.  

पैसों  की दौड़  मे ऐसे  दौड़े ,  
की   थकने का   भी वक़्त  नही .  
पराए  एहसासों की  क्या क़द्र  करें,  
जब   अपने सपनो   के लिए   ही वक़्त  नही .  

तू  ही बता  ए ज़िंदगी,  
इस   ज़िंदगी का  क्या होगा ,  
की   हर पल   मरने वालों   को ,  
जीने  के लिए  भी वक़्त  नही .......                                                        
                                                                                         
                                               

 

Baby jokes - Series 1 - Forwarded email

Baby Jokes…………..Series 1 ..

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, 'Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?' Her mother replied, 'Well, every time that you do something wrong and make m e cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.'   The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, 'Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?' --------------

Marriage: MAN's point of view... Haa haa

 

Men's perspective...

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. DavidBissonette

 

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. Sacha Guitry

 

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates

 

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. Anonymous

 

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want? Dumas

 

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me. Sigmund Freud

 

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays." Anonymous

 

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage." Sam Kinison

 

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't." James Holt McGavra

 

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming 1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it, 2. Whenever you're right, shut up. Patrick Murra

 

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once... Nash

 

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to. Anonymous

 

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. Henny Youngman

 

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. Rodney Dangerfield

 

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine." Anonymous

 

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!" Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive." Anonymous

 

Symptoms of being in the IT field !!

Symptoms of being in the IT field !! 

If you have been in IT industry too long these are your symptoms:
           
1.) U use phrases like "No issues" and "Value addition" in everyday parlance. For e.g. When talking about your doodhwalla, U say, "His milk does zero value addition to my health but he is the only guy around so no issues"


2.) Ur prime source of entertainment is the forwards send to U by friends whose faces U cant remember.


3.) U drink more tea or coffee than water.


4.) U keep trying to shut down ur home computer by pressing Ctrl+Alt+Del (used to lock office comps)


5.) When ur mobile rings at home, U rush outside to receive thecall.


6.) When U make calls at home, U accidentally dial "0"to get an outside line.


7.) U haven't played Solitaire with real cards in years.


8.) Ur last crush was a girl in HR, ur current crush is the new girl in HR and all ur crushes in the future willbe girls in HR.


9.) U spend the entire day reading forwards, smoking cigarettes, drinking tea/coffee and playing T.T. and then complain about the late working hours.


10.) Ur important 'meetings' usually comprise two or three people max, including yourself.


11)  U secretly prepare for CAT only to find ur PL sitting behind you at the exam.


13.) U keep pressing Ctrl+Enter wondering why your gmail is not going.


14.) U email ur mate who works at the desk next to U.


15.) As U read this list, U r thinking of sending it to ur friends who are also in IT.


16.)U r too busy to notice there was no line no. 12


17.)U r not sure so u scroll back check it .


18.)And now u r smiling!!!!

Good One: WHAT IS LOVE

What is Love.

A student asks a teacher, "What is love?"

The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the wheat field and choose the biggest wheat and come back.
But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back o pick.."
The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big wheat, but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later.
Then he saw another bigger one... but may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him.
Later, when he finished more than half of the wheat field, he start to realize that the wheat is not as big as the previous one he saw, he
know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted.
So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand.
The teacher told him, "...this is love... you keep looking for a better one, but when later you realize, you have already miss the person...."

*"What is marriage then?" the student asked.
The teacher said, "in order to answer your question, go to the corn field and choose the biggest corn and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick."
The student went to the corn field, this time he is careful not to repeat the previous mistake, when he reach the middle of the field, he
has picked one medium corn that he feel satisfy, and come back to the teacher.
The teacher told him, "this time you bring back a corn.... you look for one that is just nice, and you have faith and believe this is the best one you get.... this is marriage."*

Computer Dependency Test....

 Computer Dependency Test

Here's a quick test for you to take. This just proves that we have become way too dependent on our computers.

Q: How Many Legs You Have?

To find out the answer, look down...





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Look down, not scroll down!
 

Joke of the day : good one...

Jokes:  good one...

1) Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food, Forgot laughter were called "Saints" But now they are called.. "IT professionals" 2) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt: "If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off" 3.) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love.. Love is always present.. Its just that, One loves too much, And the other loves too many, 4.) Employee: Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary..! BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company..! 5.) Philosophy of life At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD, Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..! 6.) What is a Fear? Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach When pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for your exams..!

Engineer kaun hai???

  *ENGINEER KAUN HAI??? **

ENGINEER WOH HAI** JO AKSAR PHASTA HAI* *

INTERVIEWS KE SAWAAL MAE* *

BADI COMPANIYON KI CHAAL MAE* *

BOSS AUR CLIENT KE BAWAAL MAE *

  *

ENGINEER WOH HAI** JO PAK GAYA HAI* *

MEETINGS KI JHELAI MAE* *

SUBMISSIONS KI GEHRAI MAE* *

TEAMWORK KI CHATAI MAE



ENGINEER WOH HAI **JO LAGA RAHTA HAI* *

SCHEDULE KO FAILANE MAE* *

TARGETS KO KHISKAANE MAE* *

ROZ NAYE-NAYE BAHANE MAE



ENGINEER WOH HAI* *JO* *

LUNCH TIME MAE BREAKFAST KARTA HAI* *

DINNER TIME MAE LUNCH KARTA HAI* *

COMMUTATION KE WAQT SOYA KARTA HAI



ENGINEER WOH HAI** JO PAGAL HAI* *

CHAI AUR SAMOSE KE PYAR MAE* *

CIGERATTE KE KHUMAR MAE* *

BIRDWATCHING KE VICHAR MAE



ENGINEER WOH HAI **JO KHOYA HAI* *

REMINDERS KE JAWAAB MAE* *

NA MILNE WALE HISAAB MAE* *

BEHTAR BHAVISHYA KE KHWAAB MAE



ENGINEER WOH HAI* *JISE INTEZAAR HAI* *

WEEKEND NIGHT MANANE KA* *

BOSS KE CHHUTTI JAANE KA* *

INCREMENT KI KHABAR AANE KA **


*ENGINEER KAUN HAI??? **

ENGINEER WOH HAI** JO AKSAR PHASTA HAI* *

INTERVIEWS KE SAWAAL MAE* *

BADI COMPANIYON KI CHAAL MAE* *

BOSS AUR CLIENT KE BAWAAL MAE *

  *

ENGINEER WOH HAI** JO PAK GAYA HAI* *

MEETINGS KI JHELAI MAE* *

SUBMISSIONS KI GEHRAI MAE* *

TEAMWORK KI CHATAI MAE



ENGINEER WOH HAI

**JO LAGA RAHTA HAI* *

SCHEDULE KO FAILANE MAE* *

TARGETS KO KHISKAANE MAE* *

ROZ NAYE-NAYE BAHANE MAE



ENGINEER WOH HAI* *JO* *

LUNCH TIME MAE BREAKFAST KARTA HAI* *

DINNER TIME MAE LUNCH KARTA HAI* *

COMMUTATION KE WAQT SOYA KARTA HAI



ENGINEER WOH HAI** JO PAGAL HAI* *

CHAI AUR SAMOSE KE PYAR MAE* *

CIGERATTE KE KHUMAR MAE* *

BIRDWATCHING KE VICHAR MAE



ENGINEER WOH HAI **JO KHOYA HAI* *

REMINDERS KE JAWAAB MAE* *

NA MILNE WALE HISAAB MAE* *

BEHTAR BHAVISHYA KE KHWAAB MAE



ENGINEER WOH HAI* *JISE INTEZAAR HAI* *

WEEKEND NIGHT MANANE KA* *

BOSS KE CHHUTTI JAANE KA* *

INCREMENT KI KHABAR AANE KA **

*

 

 

Reservation..... Hilarious

This is a wonderful mail circulating in favor of R A J   T h a c k e r a y. Please support him :)

 We all should support Raj Thackeray and take his initiative ahead by doing more...

1.        We should teach our kids that if he is second in class, don't study harder.. just beat up the student coming first and throw him out of the school
2.        Parliament should have only Delhiites as it is located in Delhi
3.        Prime-minister, president and all other leaders should only be from Delhi
4.        No Hindi movie should be made in Bombay. Only Marathi.
5.        At every state border, buses, trains, flights should be stopped and staff changed to local men
6.        All Maharashtrians working abroad or in other states should be sent back as they are SNATCHING employment from Locals
7.        Lord Shiv, Ganesha and Parvati should not be worshiped in our state as they belong to north (Himalayas)
8.        Visits to Taj Mahal should be restricted to people from UP only
9.        Relief for farmers in Maharashtra should not come from centre because that is the money collected as Tax from whole of India, so why should it be given to someone in Maharashtra?
10.        Let's support Kashmiri Militants because they are right in killing and injuring innocent people for the benefit of their state and community..
11.        Let's throw all MNCs out of Maharashtra, why should they earn from us? We will open our own Maharashtra Microsoft, MH Pepsi and MH Marutis of the world
12.        Let's stop using cellphones, emails, TV, foreign Movies and dramas. James Bond should speak Marathi
13.        We should be ready to die hungry or buy food at 10 times higher price but should not accept imports from other states
14.        We should not allow any industry to be setup in Maharashtra because all machinery comes from outside
15.        We should STOP using local trains... Trains are not manufactured by Marathi manoos and Railway Minister is a Bihari
16.        Ensure that all our children are born, grow, live and die without ever stepping out of Maharashtra, then they will become true Marathi's

JAI MAHARASHTRA!

You have two choices…

Jerry is the manager of a restaurant. He is always in a good mood.

 

When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would always reply,

"If I were any better, I would be twins!"

Many of the waiters at his restaurant quit their jobs when he changed jobs,

so they could follow him around from restaurant to restaurant

 

Why？

 

Because - Jerry was a natural motivator.

 

If an employee was having a bad day,

 

Jerry was always there, telling the employee how to look

on the positive side of the situation.

 

Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day

I went up to Jerry and asked him：

"I don't get it! No one can be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

 

Jerry replied,

"Each morning I wake up and say to myself, I have two choices today.

I can choose to be in a good mood or I can choose to be in a bad mood.

I always choose to be in a good mood.

 

 Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be victim or

I can choose to learn from it. I always choose to learn from it.

 

Every time someone comes to me complaining,

I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life.
I always choose the positive side of life."

"But it's not always that easy," I protested.

 

"Yes it is," Jerry said.

 

"Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk

every situation is a choice.

 

You choose how you react to situations.

You choose how people will affect your mood.

You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood.

It's your choice how you live your life."

 

 

Several years later,

 

I heard that Jerry accidentally did something

you are never supposed to do in the restaurant business.

 

He left the back door of his restaurant open

 

And then ???

 

In the morning,

 

He was robbed by three armed men.

 

 

They want?

Money kept in the safe box.

 

 While Jerry trying to open the safe box,

his hand, shaking from nervousness, slipped off the combination.

 

The robbers panicked and shot him.

 

Luckily, Jerry was found quickly and rushed to the hospital.

 

After 18 hours of surgery

 

and   

 

weeks of intensive care,

 

Jerry was released from the hospital with fragments of the bullets

still in his body.…

 

 

I saw Jerry about six months after the accident.

 

When I asked him how he was,

he replied, "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Want to see my scars?"

 

I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him

what had gone through his mind as the robbery took place.

 

"The first thing that went through my mind was that

I should have locked the back door," Jerry replied.

"Then, after they shot me, as I lay on the floor,

I remembered that I had two choices:

I could choose to live or could choose to die. I chose to live."

"Weren't you scared"  I asked?

 

Jerry continued, "The paramedics were great.

They kept telling me I was going to be fine.

 

But when they wheeled me into the Emergency Room and

I saw the expression on the faces of the doctors and nurses,

I got really scared.

 

In their eyes, I read 'He's a dead man.'

I knew I needed to take action."

 

 

"What did you do?" I asked.

 

"Well, there was a big nurse shouting questions at me,"

said Jerry. "She asked if I was allergic to anything."

 

'Yes,' I replied.

 

The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply.

 

I took a deep breath

 

and yelled, 'Bullets!'

 

Over their laughter, I told them,

 

 

'I am choosing to live. Please operate on me as if I am alive, not dead'.

Jerry lived thanks to the skill of his doctors,

but also because of his amazing attitude.

 

I learned from him that

every day you have the choice to either enjoy your life or to hate it.

 

The only thing that is truly yours –

that no one can control or take from you- is your attitude.

so if you can take care of that, everything else in life becomes much easier.

 

This is one of the awesome forward sent by my colleague, specially the day on which I was about to lost my Job. Thanks to her….