जीवन की आपाधापी में : Nice Hindi Poem : Must read

जीवन की आपाधापी में कब वक़्त मिला


कुछ देर कहीं पर बैठ कभी यह सोच सकूँ


जो किया, कहा, माना उसमें क्या बुरा भला।


जिस दिन मेरी चेतना जगी मैंने देखा


मैं खड़ा हुआ हूँ इस दुनिया के मेले में,


हर एक यहाँ पर एक भुलाने में भूला


हर एक लगा है अपनी अपनी दे-ले में


कुछ देर रहा हक्का-बक्का, भौचक्का-सा,


आ गया कहाँ, क्या करूँ यहाँ, जाऊँ किस जा?


फिर एक तरफ से आया ही तो धक्का-सा


मैंने भी बहना शुरू किया उस रेले में,


क्या बाहर की ठेला-पेली ही कुछ कम थी,


जो भीतर भी भावों का ऊहापोह मचा,


जो किया, उसी को करने की मजबूरी थी,


जो कहा, वही मन के अंदर से उबल चला,


जीवन की आपाधापी में कब वक़्त मिला


कुछ देर कहीं पर बैठ कभी यह सोच सकूँ


जो किया, कहा, माना उसमें क्या बुरा भला। 

Feeling Lucky : Nice one - Funny forwarded email.

A fellow got up one Saturday morning with the odd feeling that something about this day was to be different.

Something unusual was about to happen today. He glanced out the window at the thermometer: 33 degrees. He went downstairs - the clock had stopped at 3 o'clock. He picked up the newspaper and read the date: the 3rd of the month.

Threes - that was it!

He grabbed the paper and flipped it open to the racing section. Sure enough in the 3rd race, there was a horse named Trio! The fellow hurried to the bank, drew out his life savings and bet it all on the horse to win.

When the Race finished the horse finished 3rd.

Guess, what's that? : You will smile after reading

Girls misuse it!

Models sell it!

Photograhers cage it!

Doctors advice it!

Death freezes it!

Artists create it!

Guess, what's that?

It's SMILE!

SO KEEP SMILING!!

:):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):):-)

Why you have white hairs : Good one.

One day, a girl walk to her mother and look at her mother's hair and sadly said: "Why are some of your hair white mom?"

The mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.

The girl thought about this revelation a while, and then said, "Momma, how come all of grandma's hairs are white?"

What kind of animal are you? : Really true

I know I am a human but listen to my complaints first:

I sleep like a dog thinking about my work load whole night.

I get up in the morning like a horse

I go to work running like a deer

I work all the day like a donkey

I run around for 11 months like a bull without any holiday.

I wag my tail in front of all my bosses I play with my children like a monkey if I get time.

I am like a mouse before my wife!

Genie and the 3 wishes : Man vs Woman : Good one

A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray.

"...and what will your third wish be?"

The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?"

"You have had two wishes already", the genie said "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes, You now have one wish left."

"Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this but what the heck. I've always wanted to understand women. I'd love to know what's going on inside their heads."

"Funny", said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever, "That was your first wish, too!"

New Rest Room Policy : just too good forwarded email

New Rest Room Policy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To: All Employees

Subj: Restroom Policy

In the past, employees have been permitted to make trips to the restroom under informal guidelines. Effective January 1, a Restroom Trip Policy will be established to provide a more consistent method of accounting for each employee's restroom time and ensuring equal treatment of employees.

Under the policy, a "Restroom Trip Bank" will be established for each employee. The first day of each month, employees will be given a Restroom Trip credit of twenty (20) trips. Restroom Trip credits can be accumulated from month to month.

Within two weeks, the entrances to all restrooms will be equipped with personnel identification stations and computer linked voice print recognition devices. Before the end of December, each employee must provide two copies of voice prints (one normal and one under stress) to the Material Department. The voice print recognition stations will be operational but not restrictive for the month of January. Employees should acquaint themselves with the station during that period.

If the employee's Restroom Bank balance reaches zero, the doors to the restroom will not unlock for that employee's voice until the first of the next month. In addition, all restroom stalls are being equipped with timed paper toll retractors. If the stall is occupied for more than three (3) minutes, an alarm will sound. Thirty (30) seconds after the alarm sounds the roll of paper will retract into the wall, the toilet will flush, and the stall door will open. If the stall remains occupied, your picture will be taken.

The picture will then be posted on the Distribution Center Bulletin Boards. Anyone's picture showing up three (3) times will be immediately terminated. If you have any questions about this policy, please ask your immediate supervisor. They have all received advance instruction.

Thank you and have a nice day,

The Boss

Too funny : Basic law of Work.

Basic Laws of Work that everyone should understand!

- A pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.

- Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

- It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.

- After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.

- The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.

- When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.

- Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

- Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a office party.

- To err is human, to forgive is not our office policy.

- Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.

- If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.

- People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.

- If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.

- At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying

Funny Answers : Just hilarious : Funny forwarded email

Q. Name the four seasons

A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q. How is dew formed

A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?

A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination

A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour

A. Simple, Keep it in the cow.

Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’

A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.

Q. What is a seizure?

A. A Roman Emperor.

Q. What is a terminal illness

A. When you are sick at the airport.

With the last one funniest of all

Q. What is a turbine?

A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.

The outstanding Memory clinic : too good

Two elderly couples were enjoying friendly conversation when one of the men asked the other, "Fred, how was the memory clinic you went to last month?"

"Outstanding," Fred replied.

"They taught us all the latest psychological techniques: visualization, association, etc.

It was great."

"That's great! And what was the name of the clinic?"

Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but couldn't remember.

Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, "What do you call that flower with the long stem and thorns?"

"You mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's it!" He turned to his wife, "Rose, what was the name of that memory clinic?"

A Burning question : Happy Independence

Friends, Happy 63th Independence Anniversary

While I got this forward, first I though it to be biased towards north Indians, but reading it carefully, I found that its a concern towards our loving country. On the occasion of this day, I would like to ask from our leaders, a burning question (When we will be liberated by poverty, hunger and corruption all spread by our very own leaders only.).

A BURNING QUESTION 1. So far 8 PMs (Nehru, LB Shastri, Indira Gandhi, Charan Singh, Rajiv Gandhi, VP Singh, Chandra Shekhar, AB Vajpayee) have all come from UP. WHY they could not develop it since independence? 2. HOW come so called 'communal' CM of Gujarat has been able to achieve highest rate of  growth in the country within a span of 5/6 years but not the 'secular' CMs of UP/Bihar who ruled for more than 15/16 years? 3. UP/Bihar are amongst richest states in terms of natural resources. WHY then TATAs, BIRLAs or any other industrialists not keen on setting up large industries there, even though labor is also cheaply available ?

4. Amar Singh of Samajwadi Party always accompanies top celebrities /industrialists, prominent being Anil Ambani. WHY he could not convince them to invest in his state? Only Anil Ambani is investing something...but that's because he's promised free land. 5. Its a fact that maximum number of Babus (IAS/IPS etc officers, Yadav,Gupta, Jha, Singh, Pandey, Sinha, Shrivastav, Sharma, Verma, ... ) come from UP/Bihar. WHY then these states still remain backward?  Why they want to settle down in Maharashtra? Because they and their Netas don't want to uplift their backward states so as to rule indiscriminately. 6. Bihar CM Nitish Kumar claims that North Indians contributed to theDevelopment of Mumbai. WHY they do not contribute for their own state's development? Why are Patna / Dhanbad the shabbiest cities in the world? (Mumbai may join them soon).

7.  Thirty Six (36) North Indians were burnt alive in Assam. WHERE were San jay Nirupam, Abu,  Mulayam, Amar, Laloo, Maya, Jaya, Amitabh, Shatrugun  and Nitish Kumar at that time? So called son of soil of UP, Bihar, MP States. 8. Bihar had maximum number of railway ministers. WHY then their recruitment is done from Assam, Gujarat and Mumbai? 9. Its a fact that where there's money/opportunity, people from different geo/demography rush-in to make fortunes. Mumbai is one such city.Gujratis, Marwaris, South Indians, Bengalis, Punjabis, Sindhis flocked to Mumbai for obvious reasons. CAN our great leaders dare say that Middle-east countries especially Dubai got developed due to laborers from India? 10. Its not sons-of-soil v/s north-Indians. If you want to progress India, then every state in India should be progressed and not only Maharashtra, Gujarat and Karnataka. If you are agree with this, then only pass to every Indian you know.

The Guys rule : Must read .. Man vs Woman haa haa haa

The Guys' Rules




At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down

Finally , the guys' side of the story.
( I must admit, it's pretty good.) 
We always hear " the rules " From the female side.



Now here are the rules from the male side. 
These are our rules!
Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!


1.   Men are NOT mind readers. 


  
2. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.


3. Crying is blackmail.


4. Ask for what you want. 
Let us be clear on this one: 
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it! 


5. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.


6. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. 


7. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.
See a doctor. 


8. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. 
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.


9. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys. 


10. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
Don't ask us.


11. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the   other one 


12. You can either ask us to do something 
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.


13. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials. 


14. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.


15. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. 
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.


  16. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. 
We know you are lying, but it is just not wor th the hassle.


17. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear. 


18. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really . 


19. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as cricket, movies 
or  politics .


20. You have enough clothes.


21. You have too many shoes. 


22. I am in shape.   Round IS a shape!


 Thank you for reading this.


Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; 




But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. 


Pass this to as many men as you can -
to give them a laugh.  

Funniest Error in Classifieds...Damm guddd..... : Funny Forwarded Email

Gud 1 ;) ;) ;)



Errors in Classifieds
These four classified ads appeared in a newspaper on four consecutive days. The last three hopelessly trying to correct the first day's mistake...

******
MONDAY: For sale - Vishanth has a sewing machine for sale. Phone 98407 16581 after 7PM and ask for Mrs Mani who lives with him cheap.

******
TUESDAY: Notice: We regret having erred in Vishanth's ad yesterday. It should have read, "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 98407 16581 and ask for Mrs Mani, who lives with him after 7 PM."

******
WEDNESDAY: Notice: Vishanth has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale - Vishanth has a sewing machine for sale; Cheap. Phone 98407 16581 after 7 PM and ask for Mrs.Mani who loves with him.

******
THURSDAY: Notice: I, Vishanth, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 98407 16581 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Mani. Until yesterday, she was my housekeeper but she quit!