Rajnikanth at his best .. Part 6

Whn Neil Armstrong landed on moon he found Rajni smoking his cigg der………

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As soon as Graham bell discovered  d Telephone…he received first two calls from Rajnikant…..abt how to use it

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Once a photo of Rajnikant was givenfor Xerox. Don’t even try to guess what happened…

We got two copies of the Xerox machine.

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One more:

Once upon a time

Rajnikant used Tooth Powder to get strong teeth

Today that powder is known as

“AMBUJA CEMENT”

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 Girl -> Rajnikant(  Romantically )   :-   "EAK CHUTKI SINDUR KI KIMAT TUM KYA JANU RAJNI BABU ?"

RAJNIKANT -> GIRL    :- "0.0007892394623 RS. PER GRAM .....  "

Rajnikanth at his best .. Part 5

Rajnikanth once order a plate of idli @ Mcdonald’s and got it….. 

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“Rajnikanth doesn’t breathe…air comes to hide in his lungs” 

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“Who says the world will be destroyed in Dec 2012…..Rajnikant just bought a Laptop with three years warranty”…..:P

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Rajni can walk  faster than light….

“Rajni cannot be created or destroyed, it can only be changed from one form to another”.

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Law of Conservation of Rajni

All scientists failed to answer this but rajnikanth did...
Ques: Which liquid turns solid on heating?
Ans: Dosa... mind it!!!

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Rajnikanth at his best .. Part 4

Rajni has a notebook …Its called Facebook..

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Tonight at 9 Rajani can be seen in the sky… as he is participating in the Asian Games’ high jump event…

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What do you think Vodafone 3G tag line should be :-

Faster ..

Better…

RAJNIKANT….

No it should be (strictly)

RAJNIKANT.

RAJNIKANT..

RAJNIKANT…

Mind it

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Rajnikanth's next project is the Titanic in Tamil. However, Rajni has twisted the climax. Both the lead actors survive. Rajni swims

across the Atlantic Ocean with the heroine in one hand and... the Titanic in the other

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Rajnikanth at his best .. Part 3

Once a farmer replaces scare crow in the farm with Rajnikant’s statue…

..And Birds returned grains they took last year as well

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If Rajni works in BPO, clients would work in shifts! :D

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Rajinikant got 150 questions in exam paper asking - "Solve any 100 questions"

He solved all 150 and wrote, " Rascalla!, CHECK ANY 100!"

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One day Rajani thought to play cricket in monsoon and rain stopped due to play…. 

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Rajnikanth at his best .. Part 2

Rajnikant started college. All student were confused while taking admission because name of college is

“Rajnikant’s Medical College of Engineering for Commerce”.

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Rajnikant purchased a road roller…

Guess why??????

To Iron his Clothes……………………………

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Rajnikant was shot today..

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Funeral of the bullet is tomorrow…:D

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THE MOST NEGLECTED FACT OF THE ENTIRE DECADE!!!!

Sachin Tendulkar’s mothers name is RAJNI Tendulkar…

And his coach’s name is ramaKANT J

Is there a need to say anything beyond this???

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Rajnikanth at his best .. Part 1

 

When Rajnikant was studyin in 3rd std....some1 stole his rough note....&

Now they call it as .............Wikipedia

Crazy people!!!! ;)

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When Rajnikant was a Student…!!!

Teachers use to Bunk the classes!!!

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Ek Admi  Rajnikant Se:  Aapko Kaisa lagta hai jab aapke nam se itne jokes bante hai…

Rajnikant : Kya Appko sach much lagta hai ki wo jokes hai… Mind it

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THERE WAS A  RACE BETWEEN NANO AND FERRARI ,  AT LAST NANO WON THE RACE!
 

ENGINEERS WERE SHOCKED, LATER IT WAS FOUND THAT

FERRARI WAS DRIVEN BY SHUMACHER,

AND NANO WAS DRIVEN BY  RAJNIKANT

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Career Song - The 8 stages

1. when in college :

Hum honge kaamiyaab, Hum honge kaam iyaab ek din..... 

2. when giving interview to Multi National Company:

Tu hi re.. Too hi re ....tere binaaa main kaise jiyunn.... 

3.    waiting for interview result:

 Intehaa ho gai Intzaarki.. aayinaaa  kuch khabar mere yaarki ... 

4. just joined:

Too cheez badi hai mast mast..... 

5. after some time:

 Ye kahaan aa gaye hum?? 

6. After some more time:

Naa koyi umang hai, naa koyi tarang hai,   meri jindagi ek kati Pathang hai (booohoooo) 

7. floating the resume:

 kabootar ja ja ja... kabootar ja ja ja... pehele pyar ki peheli chitthi... 

8. finally when you don't get a better offer any longer:   

Jeena  Yehaan,

Marna Yehaan

Iske siwa

Jaana Kahaa...!! 

3 Simple Things

3 simple things to be safe in the game of life

1.       Don’t promise when you are happy

2.       Don’t reply when you are angry

3.       Don’t decide when you are sad

Indian Man's World : Year 2011

India now ruled by..
Amma in South;
Didi in East;
Bhenji in North;
Aunty in the Capital;
Madam in Center;
Nani on top (the president)
"biwi At Home"

No one killed Jessica?

We know that Rajnikanth = Perfect

Old Saying : “No one is perfect”

Rajnikanth = No one

Hence : Rajnikanth killed Jessica :P

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All western reader replace Rajnikanth with "James Bond" :D

Never discreminate your fellows...

 This happened on a British Airways flight between Johannesburg, South Africa & London.

A white woman, about 50 years old, was seated next to a black man.

Very disturbed by this, she called the air hostess. "You obviously do not see it then?" she asked. "You placed me next to a black man. I did not agree to sit next to someone from such a repugnant group. Give me an alternative seat."
"Be calm please," the hostess replied.
"Almost all the places on this flight are taken. I will go to see if another place is available."

The hostess went away & then came back a few minutes later.
"Madam, just as I thought, there are no other available seats in Economy Class.

I spoke to the captain & he informed me that there is also no seat in Business Class. All the same, we still have one place in First Class."

Before the woman could say anything, the hostess continued.
"It is not usual for our company to permit someone from Economy Class to sit in First Class. However, given the circumstances, the captain feels that it would be scandalous to make someone sit next to someone so disgusting."

The Hostess turned to the black guy, & said, "Therefore, Sir, if you would like to, please collect your hand luggage, a seat awaits you in First Class."

At that moment, the other passengers, who'd been shocked by what they had just witnessed, stood up & applauded.

This is a true story. If you are against racism, please send this to all your friends; please do not delete it without sending it to at least 1 person.

WELL DONE, British Airways!! 

Wife defined by some wonderful persons...

DavidBissonette         When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Sacha Guitry         After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.      

Socrates         By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

Anonymous         Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.

Dumas         The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?

Sigmund Freud         I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.

Anonymous         "Some people ask the secret of our long marriage.. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."

James Holt McGavran         "I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."

 Patrick Murray         Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming         1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,         2. Whenever you're right, shut up.

 Nash         The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once…

 Anonymous         You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.

Henny Youngman         My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

Rodney Dangerfield         A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.

Anonymous         A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted".. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."  

Anonymous         First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"         Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Om shanti Om ka dialogue Students ke andaaz mein

Om shanti Om ka dialogue Students ke andaaz mein
~~~~~~~~~~~~

Itni shiddat se maine paas hone ki koshish ki hai,
ki har teacher ne mujhe marks na dene ki saazish ki hai,
Agar tum kisi paper mein paas hona chahte ho,
to saari kaaynat tumhe usko paas karane me lag jati hai.

Ye exams bhi apne hindi filmon ki tarah hote hain,
end tak sab kuch achha ho hi jata hai-HAPPYYYYS ENDINGGGGS.

Aur agar aisa nahi hota,
toh exam abhi khatam nahi hua,
SUPPLEMENTARY abhi baaki hai mere dost....

33 marks ki kimat,
tum kya jaano lecturer babu.....
har student ka khwaab hota hai.... 33 marks hai

Babies delivery and Corporate World

Babies delivery and Corporate World
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

1) Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.

2) Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.

3) Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.

4) Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.

5) Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.

6) Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; They'll produce a child with zero resources.

7) Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.

8) Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

And lastly...

9) Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the right baby

Difference between Love and Marriage

Difference between Love and Marriage
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is a take home packet.

Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.

Love is a romantic drive.
Marriage is arrive on tops curvy tarmac .

Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.

Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.

TV has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.

The Ultimate Rejection Letter

The Ultimate Rejection Letter
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Herbert Millington
Chair - Search Committee
Whitson University
College Hill, MA

Dear Professor Millington,

Thank you for your letter of March 16. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me an assistant professor position in your department.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.

Despite Whitson's outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time. Therefore, I will assume the position of assistant professor in your department this August. I look forward to seeing you then.

Best of luck in rejecting future applicants.

Sincerely,
Chris L. Jensen

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS

ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

OFFICE ARITHMETIC

Smart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Tax Structure in India funny But true!

Tax Structure in India funny But true!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Question 1.. : What are you doing?
Ans. : Business.
Tax : PAY PROFESSIONAL TAX!

Question 2 : What are you doing in Business?
Ans. : Selling the Goods.
Tax : PAY SALES TAX!

Question 3 : From where are you getting Goods?
Ans. : From other State/Abroad
Tax : PAY CENTRAL SALES TAX, CUSTOM DUTY & OCTROI

Question 4 : What are you getting in Selling Goods?
Ans. : Profit.
Tax : PAY INCOME TAX!

Question 5: How do you distribute profit ?
Ans : By way of dividend
Tax : PAY DIVIDEND DISTRIBUTION TAX

Question 6 : Where you Manufacturing the Goods?
Ans. : Factory...
Tax : PAY EXCISE DUTY!

Question 7 : Do you have Office / Warehouse / Factory?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY MUNICIPAL & FIRE TAX!

Question 8 : Do you have Staff?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAFF PROFESSIONAL TAX!

Question 9 : Doing business in Millions?
Ans. : Yes -- Tax : PAY TURNOVER TAX!
Ans : No -- Tax : Then pay Minimum Alternate Tax

Question 10 : Are you taking out over 25,000 Cash from Bank?
Ans. : Yes, for Salary.
Tax : PAY CASH HANDLING TAX!

Question 11 : Where are you taking your client for Lunch & Dinner?
Ans. : Hotel
Tax : PAY FOOD & ENTERTAINMENT TAX

Question 12 : Are you going Out of Station for Business?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY FRINGE BENEFIT TAX

Question 13 : Have you taken or given any Services?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY SERVICE TAX

Question 14 : How come you got such a Big Amount?
Ans. : Gift on birthday.
Tax : PAY GIFT TAX

Question 15.: Do you have any Wealth?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY WEALTH TAX

Question 16 : To reduce Tension, for entertainment, where are you going?
Ans. : Cinema or Resort.
Tax : PAY ENTERTAINMENT TAX

Question 17 : Have you purchased House?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY STAMP DUTY & REGISTRATION FEE

Question 18 : How you Travel?
Ans. : Bus
Tax : PAY SURCHARGE

Question 19.: Any Additional Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY EDUCATIONAL, ADDITIONAL EDUCATIONAL & SURCHARGE ON ALL THE CENTRAL GOVT.'s TAX

Question 20: Delayed any time Paying Any Tax?
Ans. : Yes
Tax : PAY INTEREST & PENALTY

10 Things to Learn from Japan : After Biggest Earthquake in the human history

  1. THE CALM

Not a single visual of chest-beating or wild grief. Sorrow itself has been elevated.

   2. THE DIGNITY

Disciplined queues for water and groceries. Not a rough word or a crude gesture.

   3. THE ABILITY

The incredible architects, for instance. Buildings swayed but didn’t fall.

   4. THE GRACE

People bought only what they needed for the present, so everybody could get something.

   5. THE ORDER

No looting in shops. No honking and no overtaking on the roads. Just understanding.

   6. THE SACRIFICE

Fifty workers stayed back to pump sea water in the N-reactors. How will they ever be repaid? 

   7. THE TENDERNESS

Restaurants cut prices. An unguarded ATM is left alone. The strong cared for the weak.

   8. THE TRAINING

The old and the children, everyone knew exactly what to do. And they did just that.

   9. THE MEDIA

They showed magnificent restraint in the bulletins. No silly reporters. Only calm reportage. 

  10. THE CONSCIENCE

When the power went off in a store, people put things back on the shelves and left quietly.