Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The three learning of life: Story 1 : Really good one.

The Turtles


A turtle family decided to go on a picnic. The turtles, being naturally slow about things, took seven years to prepare for their outing.

Finally the turtle family left home looking for a suitable place. During the second year of their journey they found a place ideal for them at last!

For about six months they cleaned the area, unpacked the picnic basket, and completed the arrangements.

Then they discovered they had forgotten the salt. A picnic without salt would be a disaster, they all agreed. After a lengthy discussion, the youngest turtle was chosen to retrieve the salt from home.
Although he was the fastest of the slow moving turtles, the little turtle whined, cried, and wobbled in his shell. He agreed to go on one condition: that no one would eat until he returned.

The family consented and the little turtle left. Three years passed and the little turtle had not returned. Five years...six years... then on the seventh year of his absence, the oldest turtle could no longer contain his hunger.

He announced that he was going to eat and begun to unwrap a sandwich. At that point the little turtle suddenly popped out from behind a tree shouting, 'See! I knew you wouldn't wait. Now I am not going to go get the salt.'

[Some of us waste our time waiting for people to live up to our expectations. We are so concerned about what others are doing that we do not do anything ourselves.]

Sunday, December 26, 2010

"Rajnikanth" - straight from IT. miinnddd it - Just too good

*Rajnikant’s codes are never reviewed, if he makes an error, that’s an invention.*

*Rajnikant does not have any data type, because nothing can define Rajnikant.*

*Rajnikant’s for/while loop does not have an exit condition, he exists when he desires so.*

*Rajnikant has written a software for himself, where he can set his age to any value he wants.*

*Rajnikant does not use a key board, he communicates with computer through mind power.*

*Rajnikant does not install an anti-virus on his PC. All computer virus are looking for an Anti-Rajanikant software to save themselves from hands of Rajanikant.*

Rajnikant's programs don't have Catch blocks... Because when Rajnikant's program throws an exception, nobody can catch it! Only Rajnikant himself can!!

When Rajnikant comes online, all servers shut down! Because, the King of SERVERs is online...

*Rajnikant never writes queries to the Databases. Databases send their queries to Rajnikant!*

Rajnikant never gets a DivideByZero exception. In any such case, 1/0 defines itself..

*Rajnikant reads only one slide for perception;* As he says “ if I read one slide its similar to reading 100 slides” *Mind it>>>>>>>>>*

Compiler does not warn Rajnikant , Rajnikant warns compiler .....

Rajnikant can execute a program before compiling

Default Value For Rajnikant is DEATH!!!!!!!!

Rajnikant can ROLLBACK A TRUNCATED TABLE!

Rajinikanth invented SQL!!

Rajinikant can access even private member variables from a different package!!!….

Rajinikant can rollback his age in presence of commit.

There is no main function in rajnikant’s code……………….every function is named “RAJNIKANT” and dare compiler produce an error!

Well Begun is Not Half Done ..too good...! !

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. Said he:
"The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't
my wife!"

The audience was in silence and shock.
The speaker added:  "And that woman was my mother!"
Laughter and applause.

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to
crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a
drink.

He said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of
a woman who was not my wife!"
The wife went wan with shock and rage.
Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the
joke, the manager finally blurted out "... and I can't remember who she
was!"

Moral of the story:
Don't copy if you can't paste!!


“Powered by ^C driven by ^V”

The three learning of life: Story 3 : Really good one.

The Pretty Lady

Once upon a time a big monk and a little monk were traveling together. They came to the bank of a river and found the bridge was damaged. They had to wade across the river.

There was a pretty lady who was stuck at the damaged bridge and couldn't cross the river.
The big monk offered to carry her across the river on his back. The lady accepted.

The little monk was shocked by the move of the big monk. 'How can big brother carry a lady when we are supposed to avoid all intimacy with females?' thought the little monk.

But he kept quiet... The big monk carried the lady across the river and the small monk followed unhappily. When they crossed the river, the big monk let the lady down and they parted ways with her.

All along the way for several miles, the little monk was very unhappy with the act of the big monk. He was making up all kinds of accusations about big monk in his head. This got him madder and madder. But he still kept quiet. And the big monk had no inclination to explain his situation.

Finally, at a rest point many hours later, the little monk could not stand it any further, he burst out angrily at the big monk. 'How can you claim yourself a devout monk, when you seize the first opportunity to touch a female, especially when she is very pretty? All your teachings to me make you a big hypocrite

The big monk looked surprised and said, 'I had put down the pretty lady at the river bank many hours ago, how come you are still carrying her along?'

 [This very old Chinese Zen story reflects the thinking of many people today. We encounter many unpleasant things in our life, they irritate us and they make us angry. Sometimes, they cause us a lot of hurt, sometimes they cause us to be bitter or jealous .. But like the little monk, we are not willing to let them go away.We keep on carrying the baggage of the 'pretty lady' with us. We let them keep on coming back to hurt us, make us angry, make us bitter and cause us a lot of agony. Why? Simply because we are not willing to put down or let go of the baggage of the 'pretty lady'. We should let go of the pretty lady immediately after crossing the river.
This will immediately remove all our agonies. There is no need to be further hurt by the unpleasant event after it is over.]

Sher-o-Shayri... Nice one

♫ Aankhein Daikhe To Mein Daikhta Reh Gaya

(Jaam Do Aur Dono He Do Aatisha)

Aankhein Ya Maikade Ke Yeh Do Baab Hein
Aankhein Inko Kahoon Ya Kahoon Khuwaab Hein
Aankhein Neechi Huwi To Haya Bun Gayi
Aankhein Unchi Howi To Dua Bun Gayi
Aankhein Uth Ker Jhuki To Ada Bun Gayi
Aankhein Jhuk Ker Uthi To Qaza Bun Gayi
Aankhein Jin Mein Qaid Aasman O Zameen

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Management and the CRAP Program : funny forwarded email...

Management and the CRAP Program
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Dear Staff,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the worldwide slowdown of economies, since the being of 2008, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 30 plus years of age on early retirement.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retiring Appropriate People Early). People selected for RAPE can also apply to management for eligibility in SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). People who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW scheme (Systematic Coursing Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

People who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependents or Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously people who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by management.

People staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives to its employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please apply for CRAP (Corporate Rescue - Advanced Program).

Our Management has been trained to give you all the CRAP you may require to excel.

Yours Sincerely,
The Management

Friday, December 24, 2010

Man vs Woman again : Nice Joke of the day... but true :P

An English professor wrote, “Woman without her man is nothing” and asked his students to punctuate it. 
The men wrote, “Woman, without her man, is nothing!” 
 ................   and the women wrote, 

.......
.......
.......
.......
.......
.......
.......
.......
.......
.......
.......
.......
.......
.......
.......
.......
.......
“Woman! Without her, man is nothing!”

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

PJ (Pakau Jokes) : Read at your own risk | Set 3



Ek nadi thi......


uske upar ek pull bana hua tha.....


pull par bahut saari ladkiyan khadi thi......


sab ki sab ek hi ladke ki deewani thi.....


Guess who was the lucky guy??????
.........
........
..........


Keep Guessing.... ..
........
........
........


Chalo yaar....the answer is






















"KISNA"


Jo hai albela mad naino wala...


jiski diwani BRIDGE ki har bala.....


woh kisna hai




--------------------------------------------
if a CAT crosses ur way, when u are going some where,


then what does it mean????????




?????????


?????????


?????????


?????????






?????????






????????? ?






?










?















it means that the Cat is also going somewhere.




----------------------------------------------------






Why are Indian husbands called "MADE OF SILVER"


And


Why are American husbands called "MADE OF GOLD"




Socho


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Thoda sur Socho


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Socho Socho....


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Nahi Aata




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Bcoz 








Indian wives call their husband "A g" (Scientific Symbol for Silver)


American wives call their husband "A u" (Scientific Symbol for Gold)

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Rajnikanth again : Just too hilarious : Funny forwarded email

Rajni Mania...
Rajnikanth was bragging to Amitabh Bachan one day, "You know, I know everyone. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them. Tired of his boasting, Amitabh Bachan called his bluff, "OK, Rajini how about Tom Cruise?"

"Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it" Rajini said.

So Rajini and Amitabh Bachan fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door,

And sure enough, Tom Cruise shouts : "Thalaiva! Great to see you! You And your friends come right in and join me for lunch!"

...Although impressed, Amitabh Bachan is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Rajini that he thinks Rajini knowing Cruise was

Just lucky.

"No, no, just name anyone else" Rajini says



..."President Obama", Amitabh Bachan quickly retorts

..."Yes", Rajini says, "I know him.



And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Rajini on the tour and motions him, saying, : "Rajini, what a surprise, I was just on my way

to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of

coffee first and catch up".



Well, Amitabh Bachan is much shaken by now, but still not totally onvinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he implores him to

name anyone else.



"The Pope," Amitabh Bachan replies

..."Sure!" says Rajini, "My folks are from Italy and I've known the Pope a long time".



Rajini and Amitabh Bachan are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Rajini says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope."

And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.. Sure enough, half an hour later Rajini emerges with the Pope on the balcony.

But by the time Rajini returns, he finds that Amitabh Bachan has had a

heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.

Working his way to Amitabh Bachan's side,

Rajini asks him, "What happened?"

Amitabh Bachan looks up and says,

"I was doing fine until u and the pope came out on the balcony and the Italian man next to me said,

"Who's that on the balcony with Rajini?"

Sunday, December 5, 2010

PJ (Pakau Jokes) : Read at your own risk | Set 2



One day Ravan went to a disco....... ......... ......... ..


aur wahan jaakar woh behosh ho gaya ............ .......


kyun???????? ????????? ??


kyun???????? ??????














bcoz it was written on the gate that "entry fee Rs.1500 per head"




---------------------------------------------------------


who made Ganesh to Anesh...????










ThinK......














Think......
































okay.....


" KAILASH KHER "


tere naam se " G " loon....


-----------------------------------------------------------




Ek din ek aadmi apne naukar ko Priya Gold biscuit laane bolta hai. To
naukar biscuit laane Pakistan jaata hai.
Kyon??????








Think....... ......








Give up??












Coz...
"Priya Gold biscuit. Haq se maango.."

Monday, November 29, 2010

MURPHY'S ADDITIONAL LAWS : Jut too good :)

Additional Untold Laws
~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aka MURPHY'S ADDITIONAL LAWS

1) Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

2) To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.

3) My road to success is always under construction.

4) Alcohol does not solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

5) It's funny but In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

6) All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening or married to someone else.

7) Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.

8) Everyone has a scheme of getting rich? Which never works until you cheat.

9) If at first you don't succeed?. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

10) He who has the gold, makes the golden rules and those who don't have gold follow them.

11) Once you have bought something, you will find the same item being sold somewhere else at a cheaper rate.

12) When in a queue, the other line always moves faster and the person in front of you will always have the most complex of transactions.

13) If you have paper, you don't have a pen! If you have a pen, you don't have paper! if you have both, no one calls.

14) You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.

15) The door bell or your mobile will always ring when you are in the bathroom.

16) Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always flow towards the non-smoker.

Monday, November 22, 2010

Bryan Adams India Tour Details

Want to meet Brayan Adams... here is an opportunity... rush gUys and gAls..

Bryan Adams India Tour Details:


Feb. 12, 2011 – Mumbai, @ Bandra Kurla Complex. Gates open at 5 pm
Feb. 13, 2011 – Bangalore, @ Palace Grounds. Gates open at 5 pm
Feb. 15, 2011 – New Delhi, @ N.S.I.C. Stadium, Okhla. Gates open at 5 pm
Feb. 16, 2011 – Hyderabad, @ HITEX Exhibition Center, HITECH City. Gates open at 5 pm

http://www.bryanadams.com/index.php?nav_name=showstours&target=showstours,travelmap

Friday, November 19, 2010

Today's Joke: Because laughter is the best medicine

Today's Joke: Because laughter is the best medicine
~~~~~~~~~~~~

1) Long back, a person who sacrificed his sleep, forgot his family, forgot his food, Forgot laughter were called "Saints", But now they are called.. "IT professionals"

2) An interesting line written at the back of a Biker's T Shirt : "If you are able to see this, please tell me that my girlfriend has fallen off"

3) Most Relationships fail not because of the absence of love..
Love is always present.. Its just that, One loves too much, And the other loves too many.

4) Employee: Boss, Now I have got married..! Please increase my salary!
BOSS: Factory is not responsible for accidents occurring outside the company!

5) Philosophy of life
At the beginning of married life, every gal treats her husband as GOD,
Later on somehow the alphabets got reversed..!

6) What is a Fear?
Fear is the Deep, Wrenching feeling in your stomach
When pages of your book still smell new and Just few hours left for your exams..!

7) Useful
Someone has rightly said, "A fool can ask More questions that a wise man cannot answer"
No Wonder why so many of us speechless when lecturers ask question..!

8) Girl: Do you have Cards with sentimental Love quotes?
Shopkeeper: Oh sure..@! How about this card, it says "To the only boy I ever loved.!"
Girl: That's good, Give me 12 of them..!

9) After reading the form filled by an applicant.. The employer said: " WE do have an... opening for you..! "
Applicant: What is it?
Interviewer: Its called the "door..!"

10) A Banner cum Sign Board In front of an IT company..
Drive Slowly, Don't kill our Employee..... Leave them to us.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

PJ (Pakau Jokes) : Read at your own risk | Set 1

rahul gandhi --> mom, aapaki wajah se meri shaadi nahi ho paaa rahi......... 


sonia gandhi --> kyun beta???????? ????????


rahul gandhi --> har taraf to likha hai ki sonia ko bahu-mat do 


----------------------------------------


Brad Pitt and Vidya Balan get married
After marriage, lots of students gather at their home ..... why ???


...
..
..






..
..
..
..
..
because her name becomes Vidya Pitt (vidyapeeth)


---------------------------------------------------



BRUCE LEE was a great man


But after his sister gave birth to a baby he became an ordinary man...


why?


Because he became


MAMU LEE!


-------------------------------------------------


santa and banta r discussing-- -------


santa----- "if i drink coffee, i ca'nt sleep!!!!"


Banta----- "with me it's the opposite.if i sleep i can't drink coffee."