Its Again our Sardarji : Set 3 : Simply awesome forwarded Email

    
2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more..

Sardar: What is the name of your car?
Lady: I forgot the name, but is starts with 'T'.
Sardar: Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

Museum Administrator: That's a 500-year-old statue u've broken..
Sardar: Thanks God! I thought it was a new one.


Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '


Tourist: Whose skeleton is that?
Sardar: An old king's skeleton.
Tourist: Who's that smaller skeleton next to it?
Sardar: That was same king's skeleton when he was a child.


 

PJ of the day .. Pak gaya main to :((

Agar Koi Dher Sare Gamon Ke Bhi Muskuraye, to isaka kyaa matlab hai ????

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Usaka Gum ka business profit me hai :D

Its Again our Sardarji : Set 2 : Simply awesome forwarded Email

2 sardars were fighting after exam.
Sir: Y r u fighting?
1st Sardar: This fool left the answer sheet blank,
Sir: So what?
1st Sardar: Even i did the same thing, now teacher will think that we both
copied.

Sardar 1: I'm very kanjoos, I went 2 honeymoon alone & saved 1/2 money.
Sardar 2: You R nothing I saved all my money, my friend was going & I sent
my wife with him.

  Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and
says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal....." Finally he wrote the
conclusion.......
..... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"



A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating.......

  A scene from Kohn Benega Crorepati.....
Amitabh : In which state Cauvery flows?
Sardar : Liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitabh stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS.........
 
  Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: India ...
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India .

Mera Haal E Dil - Romantic hindi Shayri....

Mera Haal E Dil Kuch Aaisa Hai Ke Koi Bata Nahin Sakta
Suntay Hain Loog Per Koi Suna Nahin Sakta

Hawaoon Pay Likha Hai Main Nay Qissa Apni Hayat Ka
Kay Koi Lakh Chahay Bhi To Mitaa Nahin Sakta

Har Eik Ki Tamanna Hai Kay Phooloon Pay Guzaray Zindagee
Per Raah Main Padray Kantoon Ko Koi Hata Nahin Sakta

Dil Main Dukh Samooo Kay Kab Tak Hunstay Rahoo Gay
Aankhoon Main Aaisay Aansowoon Ko Koi Chupa Nahin Sakta

Lakh Chahay In Mast Mailoon Main Gum Ho Jayay
Mager Beetay Huay Lamhoon Ko Koi Bhulla Nahin Sakta

Koi Rooth Jayay Tum Say To Mana Laina
Kay Janay Waloon Ko Koi Wapis Bula Nahin Sakta

Her Rooshan Cheez Ko Paa Lainay Ki Arzoo Na Ker
Kay Suraj Nikalta Hai Per Us Ki Taraf Koi Aankh Utha Nahin Sakta

Samander Ki Lehroon Pay Un Ka Naam Likhti Hoon Mashooq
Kay Koi Aag Laga Bhi Day Per Jala Nahin Sakta

Appraisal Process....Good one.. :)

The Art of Appraisal


Big Boss: This year your performance was good, excellent and outstanding. So, your rating is "average".
 
Kumar: What? How come 'average'?

Big Boss: Because...err...uhh...you lack domain knowledge.
 
Kumar: But last year you said I am a domain expert and you put me in this project as a domain consultant.

Big Boss: Oh is it? Well, in that case, I think your domain knowledge has eroded this year.
 
Kumar: What???

Big Boss: Yes, I didn't see you sharing knowledge on Purchasing domain.
 
Kumar: Why would I? Because I am not in Purchasing, I am in Manufacturing.  

Big Boss: This is what I don't like about you. You give excuse for everything.
 
Kumar: Huh? *Confused*

Big Boss: Next, you need to improve your communication skills.
 
Kumar: Like what? I am the one who trained the team on "Business Communication", you sat in the audience and took notes, you remember?

Big Boss: Oh is it? Errr...well..I mean, you need to improve your Social Pragmatic Affirmative Communication.
 
Kumar: Huh? What the hell is that? *Confused*

Big Boss: See! That's why you need to learn about it.
 
Kumar: *head spinning*

Big Boss: Next, you need to sharpen your recruiting skills. All the guys you recruited left within 2 months.
 
Kumar: Well, not my mistake. You told them you will sit beside them and review their code, and most resigned the next day itself. Couple of them even attempted suicide.

Big Boss:*stunned* (recovers from shock) Err...anyway, I tried to give you a better rating, but our Normalization process gave you only 'average'.
 
Kumar: Last year that process gave me 'excellent'. This year just 'average'? Why is this process pushing me up and down every year?

Big Boss: That's a complicated process. You don't want to hear.
 
Kumar: I'll try to understand. Go ahead.

Big Boss: Well, we gather in a large room, write down the names of sub-ordinates in bits of paper, and throw them up in the air. Whichever lands on the floor gets 'average', whichever lands on table gets 'good', whichever we manage to catch gets 'excellent' and whichever gets stuck to ceiling gets 'outstanding'.
 
Kumar: (eyes popping out) What? Ridiculous! So who gets 'poor' rating?

Big Boss: Those are the ones we forget to write down.
 
Kumar: What the hell! And how can paper bits stick to ceiling for 'outstanding'?

Big Boss: Oh no, now you have started questioning our 20 year old organizational process!
 
Kumar: *faints* 
 

Amazingly true: HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT : Forwrded email.

Bet You Cant Do IT!

This is ridiculously amusing, bizarre, challenging and frustrating. You have to try this.. It is absolutely true. I guess there are some things that the brain cannot handle.

HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?

 

You have to try this, it only takes 2 seconds. I could not believe impossible this is!  It is from an orthopedic surgeon………… This will confuse your mind and you will keep trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can’t.

 It is pre-programmed in your brain!

1. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number ‘6′ in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

I told you so! And there’s nothing you can do about it! 

You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you’ve not already done so.

How to KILL a lion -IT methodologies

Atos Method:

Hire a loin..

Keep him on bench for long time ..

Then ask him about productive hours..???

Give training on UNIX,ORACLE,JAVA,.NET and then SAP and then finally put him in MO.. :(

No increment no promotion..

Lion will put paper as he is experienced in every tech now…

;)

Satyam Method:
 
Hire a lion....
 
Place him in "QRU"(Bench)  for 1 year
Tell him to change his technology from ASP.NET to JAVA or Powerbuilder
 
Lion dies in confusion he is Cat or lion......

 
Cognizant Method:
hire a lion... ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.
hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
give them same gobi 65 to eat
hire 200 more....... and more ........
 
TCS method:
 
hire a lion
give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary
lion dies of hunger and frustration
 
 
IBM's method:
 
hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour ....
he dies of unemployment...
 
Syntel Method:-
 
Hire a Cat ...
assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and
make sure that he never reaches onsite.
Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion....
 
T echMahindra method:
 
hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't score 60% he will lose the job.
lion dies of the strain
 
i-Flex method:
 
hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari
for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes
alive he will get band movement (promotion)
holy cow dies in fear of the real lion
 
      HCL Method:
 
hire a lion .
tell him to merge with Goats (Polaris) and reduce his allowance...
lion dies from fear that tomorrow he might become a goat....
 
Polaris Method :
 
hire ..sorry....purchase a lion( HCL   ) ..
change his timings...(instead of 9 AM ....change it to 8:30 AM )
cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
lion dies from fear of becoming CAT.....
 
 
Patni method:
 
hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat...
the lion dies before joining.... 

 
Accenture Method:
 
Hire a lion....
Send him to chennai
Ask him to stay on bench for a long time
Ask him to eat idly,Dosa and Vada
No hindi, kanaka or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL...
No good food, No water..and specially No Beautiful girls
And say him "Go Ahead be a Tiger".
Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion......
 
HUAWEI Method:
 
Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion...
Give him work of 3 Lions
Tell him to work late and even on weekends...
No time for food and family, automatically die  

Wipro Method:
Hire a Lion,
give him a mail Id ,he will   receiving stupid mails all day 

tell him to do all unneccessary certifications related to quality,reviews,UCFect . 
and daily tell him some integrity issues ,sentivity and intensity to win..... 

show him the posters of spirit of wipro everywhere......................  

.........at last he will implicitly die and only his spirit (spirit of wipro) will be left in this world ...!!!! 
 

  THE LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST
 
 
INFOSYS METHOD:
HIRE A LION
SEND HIM FOR TRAINING IN MYSORE AND MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE
...................................................KING OF THE JUNGLE! J
MAKE HIM TAKE GENERIC COMPREE EXAM
............... LION TURNS INTO CAT
MAKE HIM TAKE STREAM COMPREE EXAM
.CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE
SEND HIM INTO PRODUCTION WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WID HE LEARNED IN TRNG  
................................. MOUSE RUNS HERE AND THERE FOR HELP!!!
SEND HIM MAILS TELLING ABOUT MANDATORY CERTIFICATIONS
................................................MOUSE COMMITS SUICIDE 

Upcoming Horror movies in IT Sector...... . :)

Upcoming Horror movies in IT Sector...... . :)

 The Deadline

Who Akhri Mail………………

 Evil DART

Masoom Coder- A Life in trouble

12 Ghante 17 Minute

Ichadhari Bug

Zahereelee Defect

Prod Release ki Raat

Do Hazar Code Ke Neeche

REGRESSION - RELOADED

Wo Bug – Mano ya na Mano……….!!!

 I know what you CODED last summer

 Adam khor developer

Bhut wala DC

I still know what you CODED last summer

Coding- The mystery continues………

Darinda manager, tadapta developer ... !!!!

Andha code … !!!

Gayab coder – A murder mystery.. !!!

Zahreela food court .. !!!

 Recession – Jaani dushman]

  Appraisal Ki Pyaas

 Badla Developer Ka

 Tester Bana Shaitaan

 Manager ki Cheekh

 Tadapti Delivery

Client Ka Qaher!!!!!!!! !!!

Viraana Cubicle!!!!!! !!!!

 Appraisal ka khooni letter

Stop Another Bhopal

Hi ,

What a shame! The Bhopal judgement is so unfair! The real culprits are free and the ones punished are already out on bail.

After all this our government is still bent on appeasing foreign corporations. It is only considering some cosmetic changes in the nuclear liability bill. The proposed nuclear liability bill allows foreign corporations to get away by paying a meagre compensation in case of a nuclear accident in our country.

We have to stop another Bhopal in the making. Over 1.8 lakh people, including me, have already signed the petition asking Prime Minister Manmohan Singh to stop the bill in its current form. More signatures will make the opposition to this bill stronger.

Check out this video and then add your signature to this petition.

http://www.greenpeace.org/india/stop-another-bhopal

The petition says: India must hold a public consultation before changing the liability rules for any nuclear accidents caused by U.S. corporations.

Thanks!

gyanendra.dwivedi@gmail.com

You are receiving this email because someone you know sent it to you from the Greenpeace site. Greenpeace retains no information about individuals contacted through its site, and will not send you further messages without your consent -- although your friends could, of course, send you another message.

THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX - Really Nice one..

Below are the Interview Questions, which were asked in HR Round.....

Be careful while you answering, No one will GET second chance to impress....


Very very Impressive Questions and Answers..... ...


Question 1: You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night,
it's raining heavily, when suddenly you pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for a bus:


An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
An old friend who once saved your life.
The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.


Which one would you choose to offer a ride to,
knowing very well that there could only be one passenger in your car?


This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.


* You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first;

* or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to ! pay him back.

* However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.


The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. Guess what was his answer?

He simply answered:


"I would give the car keys to my Old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital.
I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams."


Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations. Never forget to "Think Outside the Box."


Question 2: What will you do if I run away with your sister?"

The candidate who was selected answered " I will not get a better match for my sister than you sir"


Question 3: Interviewer (to a student girl candidate) - What is one morning you woke up & found that you were pregnant.

Girl - I will be very excited and take an off, to celebrate with my husband.

Normally an unmarried girl will be shocked to hear this, but she managed it well. Why I should think it in the wrong way, she said later when asked


Question 4: Interviewer: He ordered a cup of coffee for the candidate.
Coffee arrived kept before the candidate, then he asked what is before you?

Candidate: Instantly replied "Tea"

He got selected.

You know how and why did he say "TEA" when he knows very well that coffee was kept before.

(Answer: The question was "What is before you (U - alphabet)
Reply was "TEA" ( T - alphabet)

Alphabet "T" was before Alphabet "U"


Question 5: Where Lord Rama would have celebrated his "First Diwali"?
People will start thinking of Ayodya, Mitila [Janaki's place], Lanka etc...


But the logic is, Diwali was a celebrated as a mark of Lord Krishna Killing Narakasura.
In Dusavataar, Krishnavathaar comes after Raamavathaar.


So, Lord Rama would not have celebrated the Diwali At all!



Question 6: The interviewer asked to the candidate "This is your last question of the interview.
Please tell me the exact position of the center of this table where u have kept your files."


Candidate confidently put one of his finger at some point at the table and told that this was the central point at the table.
Interviewer asked how did u get to know that this being the central point of this table,
then he answers quickly that sir u r not likely to ask any more question, as it was the last question that u promised to ask.....


And hence, he was selected as because of his quick-wittedness. ........


This is What Interviewer expects from the Interviewee. ....


"THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX"

POEM CONTEST---Good One.. :)

WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKED FOR A TWO-LINE RHYME, WITH THE MOST ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT THE LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE..
                                 
               
                This is the winner
               
                My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife,
                Marrying you screwed up my life.
               
                I see your face when I am dreaming.
                That's why I always wake up screaming.
               
                Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
                This describes everything you are not.
                                                     
                I thought that I could love no other --
                that is until I met your brother.
               
                Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
                But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
               
                I want to feel your sweet embrace;
                But don't take that paper bag off your face.
               
                I love your smile, your face, and your eyes --
                Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
               
                My love, you take my breath away.
                What have you stepped in to smell this way?
               
                My feelings for you no words can tell,
                Except for maybe 'Go to hell.'
               
                What inspired this amorous rhyme?
                Two parts tequila, one part limeJ 

Elevator : too good - Funny forwarded Email

An A boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by

almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father,

"What is this, Father?"

The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have

never seen anything like this in my life, I don`t know what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out.

The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."