Atos Method:
Hire a loin..
Keep him on bench for long time ..
Then ask him about productive hours..???
Give training on UNIX,ORACLE,JAVA,.NET and then SAP and then finally put him in MO.. :(
No increment no promotion..
Lion will put paper as he is experienced in every tech now…
;)
Satyam Method:
Hire a lion....
Place him in "QRU"(Bench) for 1 year
Tell him to change his technology from ASP.NET to JAVA or Powerbuilder
Lion dies in confusion he is Cat or lion......
Cognizant Method:
hire a lion... ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.
hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
give them same gobi 65 to eat
hire 200 more....... and more ........
TCS method:
hire a lion
give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary
lion dies of hunger and frustration
IBM's method:
hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour ....
he dies of unemployment...
Syntel Method:-
Hire a Cat ...
assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and
make sure that he never reaches onsite.
Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion....
T echMahindra method:
hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't score 60% he will lose the job.
lion dies of the strain
i-Flex method:
hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari
for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes
alive he will get band movement (promotion)
holy cow dies in fear of the real lion
HCL Method:
hire a lion .
tell him to merge with Goats (Polaris) and reduce his allowance...
lion dies from fear that tomorrow he might become a goat....
Polaris Method :
hire ..sorry....purchase a lion( HCL ) ..
change his timings...(instead of 9 AM ....change it to 8:30 AM )
cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
lion dies from fear of becoming CAT.....
Patni method:
hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat...
the lion dies before joining....
Accenture Method:
Hire a lion....
Send him to chennai
Ask him to stay on bench for a long time
Ask him to eat idly,Dosa and Vada
No hindi, kanaka or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL...
No good food, No water..and specially No Beautiful girls
And say him "Go Ahead be a Tiger".
Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion......
HUAWEI Method:
Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion...
Give him work of 3 Lions
Tell him to work late and even on weekends...
No time for food and family, automatically die
Hire a lion....
Place him in "QRU"(Bench) for 1 year
Tell him to change his technology from ASP.NET to JAVA or Powerbuilder
Lion dies in confusion he is Cat or lion......
Cognizant Method:
hire a lion... ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
give him gobi 65 to eat again and again.
hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
give them same gobi 65 to eat
hire 200 more....... and more ........
TCS method:
hire a lion
give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary
lion dies of hunger and frustration
IBM's method:
hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour ....
he dies of unemployment...
Syntel Method:-
Hire a Cat ...
assure him that he will eventually become a Lion once he reaches onsite and
make sure that he never reaches onsite.
Cat dies in hope of becoming a Lion....
T echMahindra method:
hire the lion, make him take 14 tests and tell him that if he doesn't score 60% he will lose the job.
lion dies of the strain
i-Flex method:
hire a lion???.oops cow, tell him he is a lion, send him in African safari
for implementing flexcube in god forbidden territories, tell him if he comes
alive he will get band movement (promotion)
holy cow dies in fear of the real lion
HCL Method:
hire a lion .
tell him to merge with Goats (Polaris) and reduce his allowance...
lion dies from fear that tomorrow he might become a goat....
Polaris Method :
hire ..sorry....purchase a lion( HCL ) ..
change his timings...(instead of 9 AM ....change it to 8:30 AM )
cut down his allowance (coupons etc)
lion dies from fear of becoming CAT.....
Patni method:
hire a lion, give him a salary of a cat...
the lion dies before joining....
Accenture Method:
Hire a lion....
Send him to chennai
Ask him to stay on bench for a long time
Ask him to eat idly,Dosa and Vada
No hindi, kanaka or no other languages speaking ppl other than TAMIL...
No good food, No water..and specially No Beautiful girls
And say him "Go Ahead be a Tiger".
Lion dies in confusion he is Tiger or lion......
HUAWEI Method:
Hire a Cat; give him a salary of a Lion...
Give him work of 3 Lions
Tell him to work late and even on weekends...
No time for food and family, automatically die
Wipro Method:
Hire a Lion,
give him a mail Id ,he will receiving stupid mails all day
Hire a Lion,
give him a mail Id ,he will receiving stupid mails all day
tell him to do all unneccessary certifications related to quality,reviews,UCFect .
and daily tell him some integrity issues ,sentivity and intensity to win.....
and daily tell him some integrity issues ,sentivity and intensity to win.....
show him the posters of spirit of wipro everywhere......................
.........at last he will implicitly die and only his spirit (spirit of wipro) will be left in this world ...!!!!
THE LAST BUT NOT THE LEAST
INFOSYS METHOD:
HIRE A LION
SEND HIM FOR TRAINING IN MYSORE AND MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE
...................................................KING OF THE JUNGLE! J
MAKE HIM TAKE GENERIC COMPREE EXAM
............... LION TURNS INTO CAT
MAKE HIM TAKE STREAM COMPREE EXAM
.CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE
SEND HIM INTO PRODUCTION WHICH HAS NOTHING TO DO WID HE LEARNED IN TRNG
................................. MOUSE RUNS HERE AND THERE FOR HELP!!!
SEND HIM MAILS TELLING ABOUT MANDATORY CERTIFICATIONS
................................................MOUSE COMMITS SUICIDE
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