The Sign Yard
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sign on a Septic Tank Truck:
Yesterday's Meals on Wheels
Sign on a Plumber's truck:
We repair what your husband fixed.
Sign on another Plumber's truck:
Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.
Sign at a Tyre Store:
Invite us to your next blowout.
Sign on an Electrician's truck:
Let us remove your shorts.
Sign in a Non-smoking Area:
If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.
Sign on a Maternity Room door:
Push. Push. Push.
Sign on a Fence:
Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!
Sign at a Car Dealership:
The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment.
Sign outside a Car Exhaust Store:
No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.
Sign in a Restaurant window:
Don't stand there and be hungry, come on in and get fed up.
Sign in the front yard of a Funeral Home:
Drive carefully. We'll wait.
Sign at a RADIATOR SHOP:
Best place in town to take a leak.
Friday, July 30, 2010
20 years back and today : Really true ...
Today's Joke: 20 years back and today
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
20 years back - School bag.
Today - Office bag.
20 years back - A notebook
Today - HP Note book
20 years back - Hero Ranger
Today = Hero Honda
20 years back - Half Pants
Today - Full Pants
20 years back - Playing with plastic cars running on battery
Today - Playing with metal car running on petrol
20 years back - Scared of teachers and exams!
Today - Scared of Bosses and targets
20 years back - Wanting to be the class topper
Today - Wanting to be the employee of the month
20 years back - Quarterly Exams
Today - Quarterly results
20 years back - Annual Exams
Today - Annual appraisals
20 years back - Pocket Money
Today - Salary
20 years back - Eagerly Waiting for Diwali crackers
Today - Eagerly waiting for Diwali Bonus
20 years back - Craving for the latest toy in the market
Today - Craving for the latest gadget in the market
So did you realize nothing has changed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
20 years back - School bag.
Today - Office bag.
20 years back - A notebook
Today - HP Note book
20 years back - Hero Ranger
Today = Hero Honda
20 years back - Half Pants
Today - Full Pants
20 years back - Playing with plastic cars running on battery
Today - Playing with metal car running on petrol
20 years back - Scared of teachers and exams!
Today - Scared of Bosses and targets
20 years back - Wanting to be the class topper
Today - Wanting to be the employee of the month
20 years back - Quarterly Exams
Today - Quarterly results
20 years back - Annual Exams
Today - Annual appraisals
20 years back - Pocket Money
Today - Salary
20 years back - Eagerly Waiting for Diwali crackers
Today - Eagerly waiting for Diwali Bonus
20 years back - Craving for the latest toy in the market
Today - Craving for the latest gadget in the market
So did you realize nothing has changed.
Type of application : Just too funny .. Must read :)
How people write applications for leave, sick leave, marriage functions etc.
Its really Funny.
Just Read It.
Infosys , Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:
"Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife , please sanction me one-week leave."
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ******
This is from Oracle Bangalore: From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son:
"as I want to shave my son's head , please leave me for two days.."
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *******
Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter , please grant a week's leave.."
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *******
From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it , please grant me 10 days leave."
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* **
Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return , please grant me half day casual leave"
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* **
An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever , please declare one-day holiday."
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* **
A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* **
Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day.."
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* *
Covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my below..."
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* **
Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* **
Letter writing:-
"I am well here and hope you are also in the same well."
************ ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ********* ***
A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'... As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience , I am applying for the post.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
GETTING LUCKY WITH WIFE - POINTS SYSTEM : Funny forwarded email
(You will appreciate it a lot if you are married)
SIMPLE DUTIES
- You make the bed (+1)
- You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
- You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
- You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
- In the rain (+8)
- But return with Beer (-5)
- You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
- You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
- You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
- You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
- It's her pet (-10)
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
- You stay by her side the entire party (0)
- You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a
college buddy (-2)
- Named Tina (-4)
- Tina is a dancer (-10)
HER BIRTHDAY
- You take her out to dinner (0)
- You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
- Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
- And it's all-you-can- eat night (-3)
- It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can- eat night, and your face is
painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
- You take her to a movie (+2)
- You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
- You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
- You take her to a movie you like (-2)
- It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
- You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
YOUR PHYSIQUE
- You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
- You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
- You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
- You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)
ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
- She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
- You hesitate in responding (-10)
- You reply, "Where?" (-35)
- Any other response (-20)
COMMUNICATION
- When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned _____expression (0)
- You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
- You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
- She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
SIMPLE DUTIES
- You make the bed (+1)
- You make the bed, but forget the decorative pillow (0)
- You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
- You go out to buy her what she wants (+5)
- In the rain (+8)
- But return with Beer (-5)
- You check out a suspicious noise at night (0)
- You check out a suspicious noise, and it is nothing (0)
- You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+5)
- You pummel it with iron rod (+10)
- It's her pet (-10)
SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
- You stay by her side the entire party (0)
- You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a
college buddy (-2)
- Named Tina (-4)
- Tina is a dancer (-10)
HER BIRTHDAY
- You take her out to dinner (0)
- You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
- Okay, it's a sports bar (-2)
- And it's all-you-can- eat night (-3)
- It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can- eat night, and your face is
painted the colors of your favorite team (-10)
A NIGHT OUT
- You take her to a movie (+2)
- You take her to a movie she likes (+4)
- You take her to a movie you hate (+6)
- You take her to a movie you like (-2)
- It's called 'DeathCop' (-3)
- You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
YOUR PHYSIQUE
- You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
- You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
- You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to baggy jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
- You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-8000)
ENJOY THE 'BIG' QUESTION
- She asks, "Do I look fat?" (-5) [Yes, you LOSE points no matter WHAT]
- You hesitate in responding (-10)
- You reply, "Where?" (-35)
- Any other response (-20)
COMMUNICATION
- When she wants to talk about a problem , you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned _____expression (0)
- You listen, for over 30 minutes (+50)
- You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+500)
- She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-10000)
What kind of animal are you? : Funny yet true... :)
I know I am a human but listen to my complaints first:
I sleep like a dog thinking about my work load whole night.
I get up in the morning like a horse
I go to work running like a deer
I work all the day like a donkey
I run around for 11 months like a bull without any holiday.
I wag my tail in front of all my bosses
I play with my children like a monkey if I get time.
I am like a mouse before my wife!
....
....
I sleep like a dog thinking about my work load whole night.
I get up in the morning like a horse
I go to work running like a deer
I work all the day like a donkey
I run around for 11 months like a bull without any holiday.
I wag my tail in front of all my bosses
I play with my children like a monkey if I get time.
I am like a mouse before my wife!
....
....
Friday, July 16, 2010
How Valuable Love is : Nice story
Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others, including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all constructed boats and left. Except for Love.
Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to hold out until the last possible moment.
When the island had almost sunk, Love decided to ask for help.
Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said,
"Richness, can you take me with you?"
Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you."
Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel. "Vanity, please help me!"
"I can't help you, Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.
Sadness was close by so Love asked, "Sadness, let me go with you."
"Oh . . . Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"
Happiness passed by Love, too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her.
Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come, Love, I will take you." It was an elder. So blessed and overjoyed, Love even forgot to ask the elder where they were going. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way. Realizing how much was owed the elder,
Love asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who Helped me?"
"It was Time," Knowledge answered.
"Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"
Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how valuable Love is."
Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to hold out until the last possible moment.
When the island had almost sunk, Love decided to ask for help.
Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said,
"Richness, can you take me with you?"
Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you."
Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel. "Vanity, please help me!"
"I can't help you, Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.
Sadness was close by so Love asked, "Sadness, let me go with you."
"Oh . . . Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"
Happiness passed by Love, too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her.
Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come, Love, I will take you." It was an elder. So blessed and overjoyed, Love even forgot to ask the elder where they were going. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way. Realizing how much was owed the elder,
Love asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who Helped me?"
"It was Time," Knowledge answered.
"Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"
Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how valuable Love is."
Story of the day : Funny forwarded email
एक दंपत्ति ने जब अपनी शादी की 25 वीं वर्षगांठ मनाई तो एक स्थानीय समाचारपत्र का संवाददाता उनका साक्षात्कार लेने उनके घर जा पहुंचा। दरअसल वे दंपत्ति अपने शांतिपूर्ण और सुखमय विवाहित जीवन के लिये पूरे कस्बे में प्रसिध्द हो चुके थे। उनके बीच कभी कोई तकरार नाम मात्र के लिये भी नहीं हुई । संवाददाता उनके सुखी जीवन का राज जानने के लिये उत्सुक था।
पति ने बताया - हमारी शादी के फौरन बाद हमलोग हनीमून मनाने के लिये शिमला गये हुये थे। वहां हम लोगों ने घुड़सवारी की। मेरा घोड़ा तो ठीक था पर जिस घोड़े पर मेरी पत्नी सवार थी वह जरा सा नखरैल था। उसने दौड़ते दौड़ते अचानक मेरी पत्नी को नीचे गिरा दिया।
पत्नी ने घोड़े की पीठ पर हाथ फेरते हुये कहा - यह पहली बार है । और फिर उसी घोड़े पर सवार हो गई। थोड़ी दूर चलने के बाद घोड़े ने फिर उसे नीचे गिरा दिया।
पत्नी ने अबकी बार कहा - यह दूसरी बार है। और फिर उसी घोड़े पर सवार हो गई ।
तीसरी बार जब घोड़े ने उसे नीचे गिराया तो मेरी पत्नी ने घोड़े से कुछ नहीं कहा, बस अपने पर्स से पिस्तौल निकाली और घोड़े को गोली मार दी।
मैं अपनी पत्नी पर चिल्लाया - ''ये तुमने क्या किया ! तुमने एक बेजुबान जानवर को मार दिया......! क्या तुम पागल हो गई हो ?''
पत्नी ने मेरी तरफ देखा और कहा - ''ये पहली बार है!''
और बस, तभी से हमारी जिंदगी सुख और शान्ति से चल रही है।
पति ने बताया - हमारी शादी के फौरन बाद हमलोग हनीमून मनाने के लिये शिमला गये हुये थे। वहां हम लोगों ने घुड़सवारी की। मेरा घोड़ा तो ठीक था पर जिस घोड़े पर मेरी पत्नी सवार थी वह जरा सा नखरैल था। उसने दौड़ते दौड़ते अचानक मेरी पत्नी को नीचे गिरा दिया।
पत्नी ने घोड़े की पीठ पर हाथ फेरते हुये कहा - यह पहली बार है । और फिर उसी घोड़े पर सवार हो गई। थोड़ी दूर चलने के बाद घोड़े ने फिर उसे नीचे गिरा दिया।
पत्नी ने अबकी बार कहा - यह दूसरी बार है। और फिर उसी घोड़े पर सवार हो गई ।
तीसरी बार जब घोड़े ने उसे नीचे गिराया तो मेरी पत्नी ने घोड़े से कुछ नहीं कहा, बस अपने पर्स से पिस्तौल निकाली और घोड़े को गोली मार दी।
मैं अपनी पत्नी पर चिल्लाया - ''ये तुमने क्या किया ! तुमने एक बेजुबान जानवर को मार दिया......! क्या तुम पागल हो गई हो ?''
पत्नी ने मेरी तरफ देखा और कहा - ''ये पहली बार है!''
और बस, तभी से हमारी जिंदगी सुख और शान्ति से चल रही है।
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Funny Forwarded Email : Roles in heaven (IT version)
Roles in heaven (IT version)
Brahma
Systems Installation
Vishnu
Systems Administration & Support
Lakshmi
Finance and Accounts consultant
Saraswati
Training and Knowledge Management
Shiva
DBA (Crash Specialist)
Ganesh
Quality Assuarance & Documentation
Narada
Data transfer
Yama
Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant
Chitragupta
IDP & Personal Records
Apsaras
Downloadable Viruses
Devas
Mainframe Programmers
Surya
Solaris Administrator
Rakshasas
In house Hackers
Ravan
Internet Explorer WWW
Lakshman
Support Software and Backup
Hanuman
Linux/s390
Jatayu
Firewall
Dronacharya
System Programmer
Vishwamitra
Sr. Manager Projects
Valmiki
Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document)
Krishna
SDLC ( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle )
Arjun
Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him)
Abhimanyu
Trainee Programmer
Draupadi
Motivation & Team building
Bhima
MAINFRAME LEGACY SYSTEM
IT INTERVIEW : Tooo Funny
IT INTERVIEW : Tooo Funny
Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication
engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.
Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had
never heard of this college before!
Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an
admission into it ..
What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in
12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college.
But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not
invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I
will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this
college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be
related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.
Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete
your engineering.
Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But
you know, these cricket matches and football
world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate.
So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took
4 + 2 = 7 years.
Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I
will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good,
thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think
they should ban it.
Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be
banned.
Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!
Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never
thought I would complete it. In fact, when i
flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus
corporation in Maharashtra ) through some relative.
Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower'
education itself was so much of pain!!
Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms
have you worked?
Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my
current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have
experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)
Interviewer: And which languages have you used?
Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet
in German, French, Russian and many other languages.
Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a
higher version than VB. I heard very soon they
are coming up with a new language VD!
Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the
language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.
Interviewer: What is your general project experience?
Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of th! e
times they are in pipeline!
Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd.
Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining
BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.
Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know
Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to
dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And
very important - I know few words like -
'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes',
'SEI-CMM','quality' ,'versioncontrol ','deadlines' , 'Customer
Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!
Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not
have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear
t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so
as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term
preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer
US, Australia and Europe . But considering the fact that there is Olympics coming up in
China in the current year, I don't mind
going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't
have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?
Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to INFOSYS.
The fellow was appointed in a newly created section 'Stress Management' in the HRD of Infosys.
Interviewer: Tell me about yourself.
Candidate: I am Rameshwar Kulkarni. I did my Tele Communication
engineering from BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology.
Interviewer: BabanRao Dhole-Patil Institute of Technology? I had
never heard of this college before!
Candidate: Great! Even I had not heard of it before getting an
admission into it ..
What happened is - due to cricket world cup I scored badly! in
12th.I was getting a paid seat in a good college.
But my father said (I prefer to call him 'baap') - "I can not
invest so much of money".(The baap actually said - "I
will never waste so much of money on you"). So I had to join this
college. Frankly speaking this name - BabanRao Dhole-Patil, can at the most be
related to a Shetakari Mahavidyalaya.
Interviewer: ok, ok. It seems you have taken 6 years to complete
your engineering.
Candidate: Actually I tried my best to finish it in 4 years. But
you know, these cricket matches and football
world cup, and tennis tournaments. It is difficult to concentrate.
So I flunked in 2nd and 3rd year. So in all I took
4 + 2 = 7 years.
Interviewer: But 4+2 is 6.
Candidate: Oh, is it? You know I always had KT in maths. But I
will try to keep this in mind. 4+2 is 6, good,
thanks. These cricket matches really affect exams a lot. I think
they should ban it.
Interviewer: Good to know that you want cricket matches to be
banned.
Candidate: No, no... I am talking about Exams!!
Interviewer: Ok, What is your biggest achievement in life?
Candidate: Obviously, completing my Engineering. My mom never
thought I would complete it. In fact, when i
flunked in 3rd year, she was looking for a job for me in BEST (Bus
corporation in Maharashtra ) through some relative.
Interviewer: Do you have any plans of higher study?
Candidate: he he he.. Are you kidding? Completing 'lower'
education itself was so much of pain!!
Interviewer: Let's talk about technical stuff. On which platforms
have you worked?
Candidate: Well, I work at SEEPZ, so you can say Andheri is my
current platform. Earlier I was at Vashi center. So Vashi was my platform then. As you can see I have
experience of different platforms! (Vashi and Andheri are the places in Mumbai)
Interviewer: And which languages have you used?
Candidate: Marathi, Hindi, English. By the way, I can keep quiet
in German, French, Russian and many other languages.
Interviewer: Why VC is better than VB?
Candidate: It is a common sense - C comes after B. So VC is a
higher version than VB. I heard very soon they
are coming up with a new language VD!
Interviewer: Do you know anything about Assembly Language?
Candidate: Well, I have not heard of it. But I guess, this is the
language our ministers and MPs use in assembly.
Interviewer: What is your general project experience?
Candidate: My general experience about projects is - most of th! e
times they are in pipeline!
Interviewer: Can you tell me about your current job?
Candidate: Sure, Currently I am working for Bata InfoTech ltd.
Since joining BIL, I am on Bench. Before joining
BIL, I used to think that Bench was another software like Windows.
Interviewer: Do you have any project management experience?
Candidate: No, but I guess it shouldn't be difficult. I know
Word and Excel. I can talk a lot. I know how to
dial for International phone call and use speaker facility. And
very important - I know few words like -
'Showstoppers ' , 'hotfixes',
'SEI-CMM','quality' ,'versioncontrol ','deadlines' , 'Customer
Satisfaction' etc. Also I can blame others for my mistakes!
Interviewer: What are your expectations from our company?
Candidate: Not much.
1. I should at least get 40,000 in hand.
2. I would like to work on a live EJB project. But it should not
have deadlines. I personally feel that pressure affects natural talent.
3. I believe in flexi-timings.
4. Dress code is against basic freedom, so I would like to wear
t-shirt and jeans.
5. We must have sat-sun off. I will suggest Wednesday off also, so
as to avoid breakdown due to overwork.
6. I would like to go abroad 3 times a year on short term
preferably 1-2 months) assignments. Personally I prefer
US, Australia and Europe . But considering the fact that there is Olympics coming up in
China in the current year, I don't mind
going there in that period. As you can see I am modest and don't
have many expectations. So can I assume my selection?
Interviewer: he he he ha ha ha. Thanks for your interest in our
organization. In fact I was never entertained so much before. Welcome to INFOSYS.
The fellow was appointed in a newly created section 'Stress Management' in the HRD of Infosys.
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Jokes reloaded : Santa Banta / Sardar Special : Funny forwarded Email
One day, a patient was taken into operation theatre. The door got closed (and the red light was on; just like in our movies). Suddenly the patient jumped out from the stretcher and started running out from the hospital.
Doctor ordered the staff to bring the guy back by saying "It's not the patient who is running out, it's our prestige..!".
Finally, the staff made the patient into the hospital, and asked him "what happened?"
The patient replied that the nurse was explaining "The appendix operation is very minor operation and there is nothing to worry. Don't get panic."
Everone surprised. They explained the patient that there is nothing wrong in whatever the nurse has said.
Then the patient revealed that the nurse was explaining this to the doctor..!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Banta: Agar hume koi musibat ho to kiske pass jana chahiye??
Santa: KISAN ke pass
Banta: Ku??
Santa: Kyuki KISAN ke pass '" HAL" hota hai.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
1 Ghar se hamesha Hasne ki Awaz ati thi!
Kisi ne khush rahne ka Raaz pucha.
Pati bola meri Biwi mujhe Jute se marti hai. Lag jaye to wo Hasti hai na lage to main.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
jet airways launched a scheme "wife free with husaband on business trip"..
After big success, jet sent letters to all wives asking their experince
83% wives wrote: what trip? when? where
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Banta: lets have a race who ever loses will pay 1000 to other??
Santa: but I don’t know the way…..
Banta: u come behind me …..
Santa: wow u r so good friend of mine
Laloo apply for job in Micosoft : too much ho gaya ee to :P
Laloo Prasad sent his Bio Data - to apply for a post in Microsoft Corporation, USA.
A few days later he got this reply:
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates.
Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.
He arranged a press conference : "भाइयों और बहनों, आपको जान कर ख़ुशी होगी की हम को अमेरीका में नौकरी मिल गयी है."
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "अब हम आप सबको अपना appointment Letter पढकर सुनाऊंगा ? पर letter अन्ग्रीज़े में है - इसलियें साथ-साथ हिंदी में translate भी करूंगा.
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- प्यारे लालू प्रसाद भैय्या
You do not meet -----आप तो मिलते ही नहीं हो
our requirement ----- हमको तो ज़रुरत है
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- अब लेटर वेटर भेजने का कौनो ज़रुरत नाही.
No phone call ----- फुनवा का भी ज़रुरत नाही है
shall be entertained ----- बहुत खातिर की जाएगी.
Thanks ----- आपका बहुत बहुत धन्यवाद.
Bill Gates. ---- तोहार बिलवा.
A few days later he got this reply:
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad,
You do not meet our requirements. Please do not send any further correspondence.
No phone call shall be entertained.
Thanks
Bill Gates.
Laloo prasad jumped with joy on receiving this reply.
He arranged a press conference : "भाइयों और बहनों, आपको जान कर ख़ुशी होगी की हम को अमेरीका में नौकरी मिल गयी है."
Everyone was delighted. Laloo prasad continued...... "अब हम आप सबको अपना appointment Letter पढकर सुनाऊंगा ? पर letter अन्ग्रीज़े में है - इसलियें साथ-साथ हिंदी में translate भी करूंगा.
Dear Mr. Laloo Prasad ----- प्यारे लालू प्रसाद भैय्या
You do not meet -----आप तो मिलते ही नहीं हो
our requirement ----- हमको तो ज़रुरत है
Please do not send any furthur correspondance ----- अब लेटर वेटर भेजने का कौनो ज़रुरत नाही.
No phone call ----- फुनवा का भी ज़रुरत नाही है
shall be entertained ----- बहुत खातिर की जाएगी.
Thanks ----- आपका बहुत बहुत धन्यवाद.
Bill Gates. ---- तोहार बिलवा.
LOVE STORY OF ENGINEER: Unrealistic but funny - Forwarded joke email
LOVE STORY OF ENGINEER:
i was in 12th
she was in 12th
i got B.Tech
She got BCA
I was doing B.Tech
She got MBA
I was preparing 4 M.TECH enterance
She got married
I m doing M.TECH
She's d mother of 2 children
I got PH.D
Her daughter is in 1st std.
I became DOCTRATE
He daughter passed 10th,
I have joined job.
Her daughter joined college.
The greatest irony-
Today is my ENGAGMENTS & her daughter is my FIANCEE.
AGLE JANAM commerce hi luga.....
i was in 12th
she was in 12th
i got B.Tech
She got BCA
I was doing B.Tech
She got MBA
I was preparing 4 M.TECH enterance
She got married
I m doing M.TECH
She's d mother of 2 children
I got PH.D
Her daughter is in 1st std.
I became DOCTRATE
He daughter passed 10th,
I have joined job.
Her daughter joined college.
The greatest irony-
Today is my ENGAGMENTS & her daughter is my FIANCEE.
AGLE JANAM commerce hi luga.....
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