Genuine answers from 16 year old, very entertaining
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The following questions were set in last year’s GCSE examination in England.
These are genuine answers from 16 year old, not very bright, but entertaining.
Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar
Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire
Q. What causes the tides in the oceans?
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight.
Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death
Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Simple, Keep it in the cow.
Q. Give the meaning of the term ‘Caesarean section’
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.
Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.
With the last one funniest of all
Q. What is a turbine?
A. Something an Arab or Shreik wears on his head.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
The Secret of Success : Funny forwarded email
The Secret of Success
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young reporter was given the opportunity to interview a very successful, very wealthy banker. The reporter asked him, "Sir, What is the secret of your success?"
He said "Two words, young man."
"And, Sir, what are they?"
"Right decisions."
"But how do you make right decisions?"
"One word." he responded.
"And, sir, What is that?"
"Experience."
"And how do you get Experience?"
"Two words"
"And, Sir, what are they?"
The banker replied with a smile, "Wrong decisions."
~~~~~~~~~~~~
A young reporter was given the opportunity to interview a very successful, very wealthy banker. The reporter asked him, "Sir, What is the secret of your success?"
He said "Two words, young man."
"And, Sir, what are they?"
"Right decisions."
"But how do you make right decisions?"
"One word." he responded.
"And, sir, What is that?"
"Experience."
"And how do you get Experience?"
"Two words"
"And, Sir, what are they?"
The banker replied with a smile, "Wrong decisions."
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Sardaar Rocks Again : Part2 : Funny forwarded Email
5)When sardar was traveling with his wife in an auto, the driver adjusted the
mirror. Sardar shouted, "You are trying to see my wife? You Sit behind. I will drive.
6) Interviewer: Just imagine you are on the 3rd floor, it caught fire and how
will you escape?
Sardar: its simple. I will stop my imagination!!!
7) Manager asked sardar at an interview.
Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?
Sardar replied: -P-O-S-T-B-O-X.
8.) Santa was driving car zigzag on the road. Traffic inspector stopped him.
Santa: Sir, I am learning the car. Inspector: without instructor? Santa: Sir, this is a correspondence course.
Monday, September 20, 2010
Do not stick to one job for a long time : Funny one!
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said:
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the hell out of me!".
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault.
Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years...!
MORAL:
Do not stick to one job for a long time!
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said:
"Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the hell out of me!".
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much."
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault.
Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a van carrying dead Bodies for the last 25 years...!
MORAL:
Do not stick to one job for a long time!
Thursday, September 16, 2010
मेरा यार : Dedicated to friendship
फूलों की खूबसूरती से कब इनकार है मुझे,
मेरे यार की सूरत का ये जबाब तो नहीं।
माना कि 'मय' में मस्त हो झूमते हैं लोग,
उसकी नज़र से बढ़कर ये शराब तो नहीं।
अक्सर ही सुना करते हैं, हम दुनिया भर की बातें
मेरे यार की बातों का ये हिसाब तो नहीं।
मुझको तो तसल्ली बड़ी इस बात से है दोस्त,
मेरी 'जान' हक़ीकत है, कोई ख़्वाब तो नहीं।
वो मिल गया अब ख़ाक है दुनिया की दौलतें,
नादान समझते हैं, वो असबाब तो नहीं।
कोई खड़ा हो उसके मुकाबिल नहीं मुमकिन,
वो नूर-ए-नज़र है, कोई ख़िताब तो नहीं।
फुलों की खूबसूरती से कब इनकार है मुझे,
मेरे यार की सूरत का ये जबाब तो नहीं।
--पंकज तिवारी (जनवरी २००३)
मेरे यार की सूरत का ये जबाब तो नहीं।
माना कि 'मय' में मस्त हो झूमते हैं लोग,
उसकी नज़र से बढ़कर ये शराब तो नहीं।
अक्सर ही सुना करते हैं, हम दुनिया भर की बातें
मेरे यार की बातों का ये हिसाब तो नहीं।
मुझको तो तसल्ली बड़ी इस बात से है दोस्त,
मेरी 'जान' हक़ीकत है, कोई ख़्वाब तो नहीं।
वो मिल गया अब ख़ाक है दुनिया की दौलतें,
नादान समझते हैं, वो असबाब तो नहीं।
कोई खड़ा हो उसके मुकाबिल नहीं मुमकिन,
वो नूर-ए-नज़र है, कोई ख़िताब तो नहीं।
फुलों की खूबसूरती से कब इनकार है मुझे,
मेरे यार की सूरत का ये जबाब तो नहीं।
--पंकज तिवारी (जनवरी २००३)
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Newton in romantic mood: too good :P
Newton in romantic mood......
Universal law:
---------------
"Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfered from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "
First law:
"A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. "
Second law:
-------------
"The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the
bank balance. "
Third law:
------------
"The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping.
Universal law:
---------------
"Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfered from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money "
First law:
"A boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. "
Second law:
-------------
"The rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the
bank balance. "
Third law:
------------
"The force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Sardar Rocks again : Part 1: Funny forwarded email
1) Interviewer: what is your birth date?
Sardar: 13th October
Which year?
Sardar: Oye ullu ke pathe _ _ _ EVERY YEAR
2) After returning back from a foreign trip, sardar asked his wife, Do I look
like a foreigner?
Wife: No! Why?
Sardar: In London a lady asked me Are you a foreigner?
4) Lecturer: write a note on Gandhi Jayanthi
So Sardar writes, "Gandi was a great man, but I don't know who is Jayanthi.
खोज : Inspirational Hindi Poem
मैं एक बीज हूँ खोया सा
बेखबर गर्भ में सोया सा।
बरसातों की देर है बस
फिर अंकुरों का रोयाँ सा।
मैं पवन वेग में कण-कण सी
मैं व्रुक्ष-पात में बूँद-बूँद।
मैं गीले नभ के छोर छिपी
हिमकण की आँखें मूँद-मूँद।
मैं श्यामल नभ की छाया हूँ
मैं उस असीम की काया हूँ।
जो सप्तरंग में सिमट गयी
वह इंद्रधनुष की माया हूँ ।
किरणों की उष्म दहक हूँ मैं
माटी से लिपटी महक हूँ मैं ।
हाथ में विहग के हाथ दिये
आकाश जगाती चहक हूँ मैं ।
लेखिकाः मनीषा साधू
बेखबर गर्भ में सोया सा।
बरसातों की देर है बस
फिर अंकुरों का रोयाँ सा।
मैं पवन वेग में कण-कण सी
मैं व्रुक्ष-पात में बूँद-बूँद।
मैं गीले नभ के छोर छिपी
हिमकण की आँखें मूँद-मूँद।
मैं श्यामल नभ की छाया हूँ
मैं उस असीम की काया हूँ।
जो सप्तरंग में सिमट गयी
वह इंद्रधनुष की माया हूँ ।
किरणों की उष्म दहक हूँ मैं
माटी से लिपटी महक हूँ मैं ।
हाथ में विहग के हाथ दिये
आकाश जगाती चहक हूँ मैं ।
लेखिकाः मनीषा साधू
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Genetically modified food : How Indian companies are responding to this threat?
Genetically modified food : How Indian companies are responding to this threat?
----------------------------
Here is a message from GreenPeace India, which is not a forwarded email for Fun, rather a serious concern. Please read the message and be careful at what you are eating.
44,426 letters and all the calls to Sonia Gandhi had some impact on the Government. The Biotechnology Regulatory Authority of India Bill did not make it to the Parliament. The bill in its current form plans to create an autocratic body to allow genetically modified (GM) food into our country.
To take one more step towards safe food, Greenpeace has now launched the second edition of the Safe Food Guide. This guide ranks major food manufacturers on the basis of the stance they have taken on GM food.
With the help of this guide you can check where the manufacturer of your favourite food brand stands on keeping food safe. The Safe Food Guide can be accessed online.
Check out the Safe Food Guide 2.0 to see where your favourite food manufacturer stands.
http://greenpeace.in/safefood/
You can also SMS Food
The Safe Food Guide tries to make food manufacturers answerable to the consumer. As consumers we need to question the badly ranked companies about the safety of the products they produce for us.
The companies are categorised into red, green and yellow based on their current and long-term policies on the use of GM food, willingness to inform their position to consumers and pro-activeness in ensuring a labelling and liability regime on foods derived from GM crops.
Some brands, which were ranked high in the first version of the guide have been ranked lower in the new version. This is mainly because the first guide focused on companies’ current policy on the use of GM food and the second one has extended its parameters to include future long-term policies on the use of GM foods. Their lack of willingness to be transparent and to ensure a GM free market for Indian consumers is also responsible for the low ranking.
Find out where your favourite food manufacturer stands in this guide:
http://greenpeace.in/safefood/
or
SMS Food to 56070.
Thanks a billion!
Shivani Shah
Sustainable Agriculture Campaigner
Greenpeace India
----------------------------
Here is a message from GreenPeace India, which is not a forwarded email for Fun, rather a serious concern. Please read the message and be careful at what you are eating.
44,426 letters and all the calls to Sonia Gandhi had some impact on the Government. The Biotechnology Regulatory Authority of India Bill did not make it to the Parliament. The bill in its current form plans to create an autocratic body to allow genetically modified (GM) food into our country.
To take one more step towards safe food, Greenpeace has now launched the second edition of the Safe Food Guide. This guide ranks major food manufacturers on the basis of the stance they have taken on GM food.
With the help of this guide you can check where the manufacturer of your favourite food brand stands on keeping food safe. The Safe Food Guide can be accessed online.
Check out the Safe Food Guide 2.0 to see where your favourite food manufacturer stands.
http://greenpeace.in/safefood/
You can also SMS Food
The Safe Food Guide tries to make food manufacturers answerable to the consumer. As consumers we need to question the badly ranked companies about the safety of the products they produce for us.
The companies are categorised into red, green and yellow based on their current and long-term policies on the use of GM food, willingness to inform their position to consumers and pro-activeness in ensuring a labelling and liability regime on foods derived from GM crops.
Some brands, which were ranked high in the first version of the guide have been ranked lower in the new version. This is mainly because the first guide focused on companies’ current policy on the use of GM food and the second one has extended its parameters to include future long-term policies on the use of GM foods. Their lack of willingness to be transparent and to ensure a GM free market for Indian consumers is also responsible for the low ranking.
Find out where your favourite food manufacturer stands in this guide:
http://greenpeace.in/safefood/
or
SMS Food
Thanks a billion!
Shivani Shah
Sustainable Agriculture Campaigner
Greenpeace India
A quick Santa Banta joke of the day....
संता, बंता और जंता एक मोटर साइकिल पर कही जा रहे थे. रास्ते में पुलिस ने रोका.
पुलिसवाला - क्या आपको पता नहीं है कि मोटर साइकिल पर 3 की सवारी पर पाबंदी है ?
संता - पता है, इसीलिए तो 1 को वापस छोड़ने जा रहे हैं .... !!!
पुलिसवाला - क्या आपको पता नहीं है कि मोटर साइकिल पर 3 की सवारी पर पाबंदी है ?
संता - पता है, इसीलिए तो 1 को वापस छोड़ने जा रहे हैं .... !!!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Toooo Funny Hindi poem : maza aa gaya
Itni SHIDDAT Se Maine Larki Patane Ki KOSHISH Ki Hai
Ke Har AMA Ne Mujhe Apni BETI Ka HAATH Dene Ki SAAZISH Ki Hai
Kehte Hain Ke Agar Tum Sache DIL Se Larki Patana Chaho
To Puri KAYENAT Tumhare Liye Larki Patane Mein Lag Jati Hai
Hamare Larke Larki Ke Chakkar Bhi FILMO Ki Tarha END Mein Sab Theek Ho Jata Hai
HAPPiesssssssssssssss ENDINGggggggggggggggggg
Aur Agar Sab Theek Na Ho To Chakkar Khatam Nahi Hua
Kyunke Uski Choti BEHEN Abhi Baqi Hai Mere DOST . . . . ;->
hahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahaa
Ke Har AMA Ne Mujhe Apni BETI Ka HAATH Dene Ki SAAZISH Ki Hai
Kehte Hain Ke Agar Tum Sache DIL Se Larki Patana Chaho
To Puri KAYENAT Tumhare Liye Larki Patane Mein Lag Jati Hai
Hamare Larke Larki Ke Chakkar Bhi FILMO Ki Tarha END Mein Sab Theek Ho Jata Hai
HAPPiesssssssssssssss ENDINGggggggggggggggggg
Aur Agar Sab Theek Na Ho To Chakkar Khatam Nahi Hua
Kyunke Uski Choti BEHEN Abhi Baqi Hai Mere DOST . . . . ;->
hahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahaa
Thursday, September 2, 2010
आखिर कब? : Thoughtful Hindi Poem .. I loved it.
आखिर कब?
निरंतर प्रयत्न करता रहा हूँ मैं
हमेशा हारा हूँ।
पर कहते हैं कि
उम्मीद पर दुनिया कायम है।
लड़ना मेरी फ़ितरत नहीं
पर जूझता रहा उम्रभर।
काश कि जीत पाता
काल को!
दादा कहा करते थे
आदमी कुछ भी कर सकता है।
कहीं ऐसा तो नहीं
वे भी सुनी-सुनायी बातें दुहराते थे?
यदि नहीं
तो क्या मेरी उम्र छोटी है?
फिर कहाँ से लाऊँ और दिन!
अतीत से खींचना पड़ेगा
उनको
पर विज्ञान अभी
कहाँ कर पाया है।
विश्वास है मुझको
हो पायेगा
समय को आगे-पीछे खींचना।
तो भी------
क्या मनुष्य को सन्तुष्टि मिल पायेगी?
निरंतर प्रयत्न करता रहा हूँ मैं
हमेशा हारा हूँ।
पर कहते हैं कि
उम्मीद पर दुनिया कायम है।
लड़ना मेरी फ़ितरत नहीं
पर जूझता रहा उम्रभर।
काश कि जीत पाता
काल को!
दादा कहा करते थे
आदमी कुछ भी कर सकता है।
कहीं ऐसा तो नहीं
वे भी सुनी-सुनायी बातें दुहराते थे?
यदि नहीं
तो क्या मेरी उम्र छोटी है?
फिर कहाँ से लाऊँ और दिन!
अतीत से खींचना पड़ेगा
उनको
पर विज्ञान अभी
कहाँ कर पाया है।
विश्वास है मुझको
हो पायेगा
समय को आगे-पीछे खींचना।
तो भी------
क्या मनुष्य को सन्तुष्टि मिल पायेगी?
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