Born to Be A Software Engineer.....

The Teacher gave a punishment to the student and asked him to write

"I Will Not Throw Paper Airplanes in the Class"

500 times on the black board.

and the student wrote  

Women are so much better at estate planning than men!!

Joe was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune when his sick father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening at an investment seminar he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her beauty took his breath away. “I may look like just an ordinary man,” he said to her, “but in just a few years, my father will pass, and I’ll inherit his large fortune.”

Impress, the woman took his business card and three months later, she became Joe’s stepmother.

Women are so much better at estate planning than men!!

Its Again our Sardarji : Set 1 : Simply awesome forwarded Email

Sardar declares:
.... . . I will never marry in my life &. . .
.. .. . I'll give same advice to my children also. . . .. .


Santa went to Mysore palace.
Tourist guide - Santaji plz dont sit there, its Tipu sultan's chair
Santa - Oye dont worry yaar i'll get up when he comes.!!...


Sardar wanted to make a STD call to punjab,
He wanted to save money so what did he do?
Simple, he went to punjab and made a local call..



One tourist from U.S.A.asked to Sardar: Any great man born in this village?
Sardar: No sir, only small babies!!!


Teacher: A for?
Sardar: Apple
Teacher: Jor se bolo?
Sardar: Jay mata di.

Cigarette smoking is injurious to health .. Think on it.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

No point in showing any pictures or any more quotes or anymore real life stories to make people understand that cigarette smoking is seriously injurious to health since unless a person himself does not have the courage or control over his senses , no point in wasting time to edit mails with pictures and work on for slogans. Just a sincere alert to you BEWARE ! Don’t be shameless, value people’s advices and care for your family , QUIT SMOKING !

Long Live Bachelors : too funny.. but true :P

Long live Bachelors

1] Every man should get married some time; after all, happiness is not the only thing in life !!

2] Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others., 

3] Don’t marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper.,

4] I don’t worry about terrorism. I was married for two years.,

5] Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry 

later; for another thing, they die earlier.

6] When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-year married couple smiles, everyone wonders why.

7] Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

8] When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

9] I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back to home always.

10] I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary ?” She said,” Somewhere I have never been!” I told her, ” How about the kitchen?”

11] We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

12] My wife was in beauty saloon for two hours. That was only for the estimate.

14] She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, “Am I too late for the garbage? Following her down the street I yelled, “No, jump in.”

15] Badd Teddy recently explained to me why he refuses to get to married. He says “the wedding rings look like miniature handcuffs… ..”

16] A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly parted mother and started back towards his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, Why did u have to die? Why did you have to die?”

The first man approached him and said, “Sir,I don’t wish to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of pain in is more than I’ve ever seen before.For whom do you mourn so? Deeply? A child? A parent?”

The mourner took a moment to collect himself, then replied “My wife’s first husband.”

17] If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course… at least he’ll shut up after u let him in!

18] A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a coin. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned for a while but then smiled “It really works!

Who is a true Indian...... :)

 Who is True Indian?




Scroll down to see  J
…..










…..












……
















…..


















……………










…………………………







………………….
 

 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

Sania Mirza


Why ?
.


.

..





..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.




She took the pledge seriously..
..

.

.

.



“All Indians are my brothers and sisters….” :P
 

Self Appraisal : Really thoughtful one...

A little boy went to a telephone booth which was at the cash counter of a store and dialed a number.

The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:

Boy : "Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn?

Woman : (at the other end of the phone line) "I already have someone to cut my lawn."

Boy : "Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price than the person who cuts your lawn now."

Woman : I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn.

Boy : (with more perseverance) "Lady, I'll even sweep the floor and the stairs of your house for free.

Woman : No, thank you.

With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy.

Store Owner : "Son... I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job."

Boy : "No thanks,

Store Owner : But you were really pleading for one.

Boy : N! o Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have. I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to !"

This is called

"Self Appraisal "

Flight Conversation with a kid : too funny - must read.

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, ‘Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, ‘What would you like to talk about?’

‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said the stranger. ‘How about nuclear power?’ and he smiles.

‘OK, ‘ she said. ‘That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass – . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?’

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, ‘Hmmm, I have no idea.’

To which the little girl replies, ‘Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit?

Funny forwarded Email : Sardar is back....

   Sardar: My mobile bill how much?

 Call centre girl: sir, just dial 123 to know current bill status
 Sardar: Stupid, not CURRENT BILL my MOBILE BILL.
***************
 Sardar: I think that girl is deaf..
 Friend: How do u know?
 Sardar: I told I Love her, but she said her chappals are new
***************
 Teacher: Which is the oldest animal in world?
 Sardar: ZEBRA
 Teacher: How?
 Sardar: Bcoz it is Black & White
***************
***************
 Question: "Should Women have Children after 35?"
 Smart Sardar Replied: "No! 35 Children R More than Enough!!"
***************
 Sir: What is difference between Orange and Apple?
 Sardar: Color of Orange is orange, but color of Apple is not APPLE.
***************
 Sardar attending an interview in Software Company.
 Manager: Do U know MS Office?
 Sardar: If U give me the address I will go there sir.
***************
 Sardar in airplane going 2 Bombay .. While its landing he shouted: "
 Bombay Bombay "
 Air hostess said: "B silent."
 Sardar: "Ok. Ombay. Ombay"
***************
 Sardar got a sms from his girl friend:"I MISS YOU"
 Sardarji replied:> "I Mr YOU" !!

New age Definitions : too good: funny forwarded email

After Marriage: A state in which husband and wife become two sides of a coin, they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.

Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either".

Love: Something You can't buy, but pay dearly for it.

Love Affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test.

Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master.

Tears: A hydraulic force which makes feminine water power to conquer over masculine will-power.

Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

Hilarious foward of the day : Peg After Peg : Must read

Peg After Peg



I never take risk while drinking



When I come from office in the evening, wife is cooking

I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen

I stealthily enter the house

Take out the bottle from my black cupboard

Shivaji Maharaj is looking at me from the photo frame

But still no one is aware of it

Becoz I never take a risk



I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink

Quickly enjoy one peg

Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack

Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard

Shivaji Maharaj is giving a smile



I peep into the kitchen

Wife is cutting potatoes

No one is aware of what I did

Becoz I never take a risk



I: Any news on Iyer's daughter's marriage

Wife: Nope, she doesn't seem to be that lucky. Still they are

looking out for her



I again come out; there is a small noise of the black cupboard

But I don't make any sound while taking out the bottle

I take out the glass from the old rack above sink

Quickly enjoy one peg



Wash the bottle and keep it in the sink

Also keep the Black Glass in the cupboard

But still no one is aware of what I did

Becoz I never take a risk



I: But still I think Iyer's daughter's age is not that much

Wife: What are you saying? She is 28 yrs old... like an aged horse

I: (I forgot her age is 28) Oh Oh...



I again take out potatoes out from my black cupboard

But the cupboard's place has automatically changed

I take out the bottle from the rack and quickly enjoy one peg in the sink



Shivaji Maharaj laughs loudly

I keep the rack in the potatoes & wash Shivaji Maharaj's photo & keep

it in the black cupboard



Wife is keeping the sink on the stove

But still no one is aware of what I did

Becoz I never take a risk



I: (getting angry) you call Mr. Iyer a horse? If you say that again,

I will cut your tongue...!

Wife: Don't just blabber something, go out and sit quietly...



I take out the bottle from the potatoes

Go in the black cupboard and enjoy a peg

Wash the sink and keep it over the rack

Wife is giving a smile



Shivaji Maharaj is still cooking

But still no one is aware of what I did

Becoz I never take a risk



I: (laughing) So Iyer is marrying a horse!!

Wife: Hey go and sprinkle some water on your face...



I again go to the kitchen, and quietly sit on the rack

Stove is also on the rack

There is a small noise of bottles from the room outside



I peep and see that wife is enjoying a peg in the sink

But none of the horses are aware of what I did

Becoz Shivaji Maharaj never takes a risk



Iyer is still cooking

And I am looking at my wife from the photo and laughing

Becoz I never take what???

12 Signs to know, if you Love someone:Really true :)

12 Signs to know, if you Love someone.

TWELVE:
When you're on the phone with them late at night and they hang up, you still miss them even when it was just two minutes ago.


ELEVEN:
You walk really slow when you're with them.


TEN:
You feel shy whenever they're around.


NINE:
You smile when you hear their voice.

EIGHT:
When you look at them, you can't see the other people around you, you just see him/her.


SIX:
They're all you think about.


FIVE:
You realize you're always smiling when you're looking at them.


FOUR:
You would do anything for them, just to see them.


THREE:
While reading this, there was one person on your mind this whole time.


TWO:
You were so busy thinking about that person, you didn't notice number seven was missing


ONE:
You just scrolled up to check & are now silently laughing at yourself.

Joke of the day : Infy Vs TCS Vs Wipro...!!!.......................Good one

One day, three consultants, one from Wipro, one from Infosys and one from TCS, went out for a walk.

"Why don't we prove who is the best among ourselves?"

Why not, said the other two.

The Infoscion said "Let's have a test. Whoever makes this monkey laugh, works for the best firm".

Being a pure logical strategist, the person from TCS tried to make the monkey Laugh by telling jokes. The monkey stayed still.

As a more practical consultant, the Wipro guy tried to make funny gestures... No good, the monkey stayed put...

Now, comes the Infoscion. Being the practical guy he was always trained to be, he whispered something into the monkey's ear, and it burst out laughing at him..

The other two were astonished. So the Wipro guy said "OK, let's take another test. Let's make this monkey cry!!"

So there they went again, applying the same methods as before. The TCS guy narrated sad stories, the Wipro guy made sad gestures, and they failed again...

Then, the Infoscion again whispered something into the monkey's ear and oh! It started crying, patting the Infosian's shoulder!

The other two just could not believe their eyes! So the tcs guy said "OK, you've won twice. If you can win just this one, we will bow to you. Let's make this monkey run".

And he barked at the monkey and ordered him to run. Of course, it stayed where it was.. The Wipro guy, true to his type, pushed and prodded the monkey- still No go.

So...here comes Infoscion, again, and whispers into the monkey's ear. The Monkey just takes off! It runs and runs as fast as it can, as if it was scared to death!

The other two surrendered.

They Said: "OK, we give up.

You're the best among us, and you work for the Best firm of the three. But please, please tell us your secret," they begged him.

"Well", said the Infoscion , "The first time I made it laugh, I told I work for Infosys . The next time, I told the monkey how much I get paid ...so it started crying.

And then I told that I was here for recruitment !!!

A Brilliant interview, last one's gud......Especially for IT guys

Some, rather most organizations reject his CV today because he has changed jobs frequently (10 in 14 years). My friend, the ‘job hopper’ (referred here as Mr. JH), does not mind it…. well he does not need to mind it at all. Having worked full-time with 10 employer companies in just 14 years gives Mr. JH the relaxing edge that most of the ‘company loyal’ employees are struggling for today. Today, Mr. JH too is laid off like some other 14-15 year experienced guys – the difference being the latter have just worked in 2-3 organizations in the same number of years. Here are the excerpts of an interview with Mr. JH:

Q: Why have you changed 10 jobs in 14 years?

A: To get financially sound and stable before getting laid off the second time.

Q: So you knew you would be laid off in the year 2009?

A: Well I was laid off first in the year 2002 due to the first global economic slowdown. I had not got a full-time job before January 2003 when the economy started looking up; so I had struggled for almost a year without job and with compromises.

Q: Which number of job was that?
A: That was my third job.

Q: So from Jan 2003 to Jan 2009, in 6 years, you have changed 8 jobs to make the count as 10 jobs in 14 years?

A: I had no other option. In my first 8 years of professional life, I had worked only for 2 organizations thinking that jobs are deserved after lot of hard work and one should stay with an employer company to justify the saying ‘employer loyalty’. But I was an idiot.

Q: Why do you say so?

A: My salary in the first 8 years went up only marginally. I could not save enough and also, I had thought that I had a ‘permanent’ job, so I need not worry about ‘what will I do if I lose my job’. I could never imagine losing a job because of economic slowdown and not because of my performance. That was January 2002.

Q: Can you brief on what happened between January 2003 and 2009.

A: Well, I had learnt my lessons of being ‘company loyal’ and not ‘money earning and saving loyal’. But then you can save enough only when you earn enough. So I shifted my loyalty towards money making and saving – I changed 8 jobs in 6 years assuring all my interviewers about my stability.

Q: So you lied to your interviewers; you had already planned to change the job for which you were being interviewed on a particular day?

A: Yes, you can change jobs only when the market is up and companies are hiring. You tell me – can I get a job now because of the slowdown? No. So one should change jobs for higher salaries only when the market is up because that is the only time when companies hire and can afford the expected salaries.

Q: What have you gained by doing such things?

A: That's the question I was waiting for. In Jan 2003, I had a fixed salary (without variables) of say Rs. X p.a. In January 2009, my salary was 8X. So assuming my salary was Rs.3 lakh p.a. in Jan 2003, my last drawn salary in Jan 2009 was Rs.24 lakh p.a. (without variable). I never bothered about variable as I had no intention to stay for 1 year and go through the appraisal process to wait for the company to give me a hike.

Q: So you decided on your own hike?

A: Yes, in 2003, I could see the slowdown coming again in future like it had happened in 2001-02. Though I was not sure by when the next slowdown would come, I was pretty sure I wanted a ‘debt-free’ life before being laid off again. So I planned my hike targets on a yearly basis without waiting for the year to complete.

Q: So are you debt-free now?

A: Yes, I earned so much by virtue of job changes for money and spent so little that today I have a loan free 2 BR flat (1200 sq.. feet) plus a loan free big car without bothering about any EMIs. I am laid off too but I do not complain at all. If I have laid off companies for money, it is OK if a company lays me off because of lack of money.

Q: Who is complaining?

A: All those guys who are not getting a job to pay their EMIs off are complaining. They had made fun of me saying I am a job hopper and do not have any company loyalty. Now I ask them what they gained by their company loyalty; they too are laid off like me and pass comments to me – why will you bother about us, you are already debt-free. They were still in the bracket of 12-14 lakh p.a. when they were laid off.

Q: What is your advice to professionals?

A: Like Narayan Murthy had said – love your job and not your company because you never know when your company will stop loving you. In the same lines, love yourself and your family needs more than the company's needs. Companies can keep coming and going; family will always remain the same. Make money for yourself first and simultaneously make money for the company, not the other way around.

Q: What is your biggest pain point with companies?

A: When a company does well, its CEO will address the entire company saying, ‘well done guys, it is YOUR company, keep up the hard work, I am with you.” But when the slowdown happens and the company does not do so well, the same CEO will say, “It is MY company and to save the company, I have to take tough decisions including asking people to go.” So think about your financial stability first; when you get laid off, your kids will complain to you and not your boss.

History of April 1st : For all who believe in April's Fool

History of April 1st.
1st April is called as FOOL's day after the name of Steve April. Steve April was born on 1st April 1579. He did 105 businesses in his life time. He lost all his father's assets. Everyone started calling him as the Father of the Fools. At the age of 19 he married a 61 aged woman. She divorced him after a year because of his foolishness. He also used to hear all kind of fake stories just like you ;-)
Happy April Fool's Day ;-))