SALARY CREDITED !!! BUT BE AWARE……. .

SALARY CREDITED !!! BUT BE AWARE……. .

MONTHLY MILESTONES OF A Bachelor GUY

Heading	First Week	Second Week	Third Week	Fourth Week
a) Bank Balance	25000	2500	250	25
b) Conveyance	Auto (“I can afford it”)	Share Auto (“I would like to share. I am selfless!”)	Bus (“Public figures should travel by public transport”)	Walk (“Good for health”)
c) Girl Friends	Eena , Meena & Tina (“I can BUY love”)	Meena &Tina (“I have enough girl friends”)	Tina (“I am loyal to her”)	“Huh! There is no pure love on earth!”
d) Mobile Maintenance	Frequent outgoing calls (“This is what mobile is invented for”)	Restricted outgoing calls (“I should not create unnecessary traffic on mobile lines”)	Rare outgoing calls (“Mobile should be used in urgent situations only”)	Only incoming calls (“I am not going to call her until she calls me”)
e) Boozing	“Come, let’s go to Goa and freak out!	“Man, there is nothing in Goa . Let’s go to Mysore .”	“The best place to booze on earth is our house itself. What say?”	“Drinking is injurious to health.”

MONTHLY MILESTONES OF A Bachelor GIRL

Heading	First Week	Second Week	Third Week	Fourth Week
a) Bank Balance	25000	25000	25000	25000
b) Conveyance	A uto (“after all my boy friend pays for it”)	Auto (“after all my boy friend pays for it”)	Auto (“after all my boy friend pays for it”)	Auto (“after all my boy friend pays f or it”)
c) Boy Friends	Abhinav , saleem, Laxman	Sachin, sumeet, Lakshman	Abhijeet, Ram, K.L. ..	Arun , Saket, KLN..
d) Mobile Maintenance	Only Incoming calls (Its for ppl 2 call me)	Only Incoming calls (Its for ppl 2 call me)	Only Incoming calls (Its for ppl 2 call me)	Only Incoming calls (Its for ppl 2 call me)
e) Boozing	“Come, let’s go to Goa	“Come, let’s go to Kulu	“Come, let’s go to Shimla	“Come, let’s go to darjling

How a Girl and Boy are different
 

They are reverse like the following

ABCDEFG : A Boy Can Do Everything For Girl
GFEDCBA : Girls Forget Everything Done & Catches new Boy Again

A Indian Negotiating with God : Too Good :)

God came and asked me for a wish, I told GOD “Let all my friends be healthy and happy forever!"

GOD said: But for 4 days only!

I said: Yes, let them be a Spring Day, Summer Day, Autumn Day, and Winter Day.

GOD said: 3 days...

I said: Yes, Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.

GOD said: No, 2 days!

I said: Yes, a Bright Day (Daytime) and Dark Day (Night-time).

GOD said: No, just 1 day!

I said: Yes!

GOD asked: Which day?

I said: Every Day in the living years of all my friends!

GOD laughed, and said: You INDIANS know how to negotiate. But since you are praying and asking happiness for your friends, I can't refuse. I love everyone who thinks of others first, so don't you worry.

Funny Forwrded Email : Mens are better Firend :P

Friends of Women:

A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her (girl) friend’s apartment
overnight. So the husband calls 10 of her best (girl) friends and none of them confirm that she was with them.

Friends of Men:

A husband was not at home for a whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend’s apartment over night. So
the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still
with them!!

Set 3 : WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID SO MUCH

PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID SO MUCH……
FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE. TAKE A LOOK : ( and you would find out the same .. !!!! )


11) Customer : “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print document, but the computer won’t boot properly.”

Tech Support : “What does it say?”

Customer : “Something about an error and non-system disk.”

Tech Support : “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”

Customer : “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”

Tech support : @@@@@
————————————————–

12) Tech Support: “Just call us back if there’s a problem. We’re open 24 hours.”

Customer: “Is that Eastern time?”

————————————————–

13) Tech Support : “What does the screen say now?”

Customer : “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.”

Tech Support : “Well?”

Customer : “How do I know when it’s ready?”

Tech support : *** —- ++++
————————————————–

The best of the lot

14) A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What’s the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: (keep quite)

Tech: You’ll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the
command.

Tech support::

10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The, tech is frustrated and fed up.
Tech support::(hush hush)

Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User : It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.

Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User : MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech : That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file. Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User : I need a new power supply.

Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?

Tech support : (hush hush)

User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE.

————————————————-
Height Of it all (Too Good)

15) Customer : I need a product identification number right now

Customer Care Officer : and may I help u in finding it out?

Cust : sure !!!!

CCO : could u left click on start and do u find ‘My Computer’?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your, computer?

Funny Interesting Facts : Must read... too Funny :)

You love someone,

You marry someone else !

The one you marry becomes your spouse !

And the one you loved becomes …………..

the password of your email id !!

-----------------------------------------------------------

There’s only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

There’s only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it.

———————————————————

Three dreams of a man:

To be as handsome as his mother thinks

To be as rich as his child believes.

To have as many women as his wife suspects…

———————————————————

Husband and wife are like liver and kidney.

Husband is the liver and the wife is the kidney.

If the liver fails, the kidney fails.

If the kidney fails ……… the liver manages with other kidney !!

———————————————————

Generation Next Motto:

Neither will I marry

Nor I will allow my children to marry !!

———————————————————

What’s the difference between

Drug and Wine ?

Drug is like a girlfriend that comes with an expiry date.

Wine is like a wife, The older it gets, longer the chatter !

———————————————————

The Japanese have produced a camera that has such a fast shutter speed that it is capable of taking a picture of a woman with her mouth shut!!!

Set 2 : WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID SO MUCH : Haaa haaa

PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID SO MUCH……
FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE. TAKE A LOOK : ( and you would find out the same .. !!!! )


6) Tech Support : “What type of computer do you have?”
Customer : “A white one.”
Tech support : ******_____####

————————————————–

7) Tech Support : “What operating system are you running?”
Customer : “Pentium.”

Tech support : ////—–+++
————————————————–

8) Customer : “My computer’s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.”
Tech support : ??????

————————————————–

9) Customer : “I have Microsoft Exploder.”
Tech Support : ?!%#$
————————————————–

10) Customer : “How do I print my voicemail?”
Tech support : ??????

————————————————–

Joke of the day : awesome

A man went to buy organic vegetables from the market, because his wife had asked him to.

Not finding any, he grabbed a tired looking employee at the store and said, "These vegetables are for my wife. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"

The tired sales guy looked at him and said, "No. You'll have to do that yourself."

Set 1: WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID SO MUCH : Haa haa haa

PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID SO MUCH……
FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE. TAKE A LOOK : ( and you would find out the same .. !!!! )

1 ) Tech Support : “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”
Customer : “Ok.”
Tech Support : “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer : “No.”
Tech Support : “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Customer : “No.”
Tech Support : “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”
Customer : “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”
—————————————-

2) Customer : “I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message.”
Tech Support : “Did you install the update?”
Customer: “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?”

————————————————–

3) Customer : “I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.”
Tech Support : “Tell me what you’ve done.”
Customer : “I typed ‘A: SETUP’.”
Tech Support : “Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.”
Customer : “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’.”
Tech Support : “Insert the MS Word setup disk.”
Customer : “What?”
Tech Support: “Did you buy MS word?”
Customer: “No…”

————————————————–

4) Customer : “Do I need a computer to use your software?”
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)

————————————————–

5) Tech Support : “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou see the ‘OK’ button displayed?”
Customer : “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?”
Tech support : ##### ***

Thoughts for Would – be grooms : take it seriously

 For those who r Married as well as for those who wil get Married…..

Sharing a few thoughts for Would – be grooms

For Would-Be Grooms:

Rule.No.1 – Never compare your mamma’s cooking with your wife’s! There is no faster way to dig your own grave than that! Please understand that your mom’s cooking has the backing of 20 odd years of experience… ..don’t expect that from your wife whose hardly into the process! What if she were to compare your earning capacity with her dad’s!!! So shshshhhhh… ..!!!

Rule.No.2 : Never go out of your way to please the lady with flowers, chocolates and gifts during your engagement period. If ever you do , please follow it up post-wedding too! When you could cover 20kms in 15 minutes when you are engaged just to spend some time with her, how dare you forget her birthday post – marriage, even after you are given the broadest of hints by her!
Remember expectations always double…ever heard of them being halved???

Rule.No.3: Do compliment her every now and then, verbally or with gifts! What are those lovely Teddies and Archies gift cards for? Don’t sit there like the Lord Of The Rings expecting to be waited upon! Of course she will do it but everyone likes to be appreciated and pampered!!!!

Rule.No.4: This is very important! Sulking or complaining about marriage being a big mistake is a strict NO -NO!! You got into it with your eyes wide open, brimming with enthusiasm!! No one ever pushed you into it! So why this drama now!

Rule..No.5: Be Brave and take your own decisions and stand up by them!!
Consult your parents for advice but realise that you are grown up enough to lead your life! Respect your partner’s views at all times! Remember she has given up a lot more to make a life with you!!

I’m my own Grandpa : Chhakkar ka Ghanchakkar

Many many years ago
when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow
who was pretty as could be.

This widow had a grown-up daughter
who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
and soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father’s wife.

To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow’s grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father’s wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter’s son.

My wife is now my mother’s mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She is my grandma too.

If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa.

The Perfect Husband : Hilarious Forwrded email.

 The Perfect Husband

Several men are in the changing room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and began to talk.

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: ‘Hello

WOMAN: ‘Darling, it’s me. Are you at the club?

MAN: ‘Yes

WOMAN: ‘I am at the shopping centre and found this beautiful leather coat. It’s only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?

MAN: ‘Sure ¦go ahead if you like it that much.

WOMAN: ‘I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2008 models. I saw one I really liked.

MAN: ‘How much?

WOMAN: ‘$70,000?

MAN: ‘OK, but for that price I want it with all the options.

WOMAN: ‘Great! Oh, and one more thing ¦ The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They’re asking $950,000?

MAN: ‘Well, then go ahead and give them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $50 thousand. It really is a pretty good price.

WOMAN: ‘OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much!!

MAN: ‘Bye! I love you, too.

The man hangs up. The other men in the changing room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open ¦..

He smiles and asks, ‘Anyone knows who this phone belongs to?

Never Argue with your Wife : Funny one...

A Husband and wife had been arguing, when the husband, who did not realize he was driving too fast, was pulled over by a police officer for speeding

The officer says, ‘ I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.’

The driver says, ‘Gee, officer, I had it on cruise control at 60. Perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.’

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says, ‘Now don’t be silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have cruise control.’

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, ‘Can’t you please keep your mouth shut for once?’

The wife smiles demurely and says, ‘You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.’

As the officer makes out a second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit fitted in the car he had just pulled over, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, ‘Dammit, woman, can’t you keep your mouth shut?’

The officer frowns and says, ‘And I notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt, sir. That’s an automatic $75 fine.’

The driver says, ‘Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.’

The wife says, ‘Now, dear, you know very well that you didn’t have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you’re driving.’

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, ‘WHY DON’T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??’

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, ‘Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma’am?’

‘Only when he’s been drinking’

10 Funny Home recepie : Try once :P

1. If you are choking on an ice cube, don’t panic. Simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat and presto, the blockage will be almost instantly removed.

2. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

3. You can avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat just by using the sink.

4. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use an egg timer.

5. A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.

7. Have a bad toothache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget all about the toothache.

8. Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

–In life, you only need two tools – WD-40 and Duct Tape. –If it doesn’t move but should, use the WD-40. –If it should not move and does, use the duct tape.

9. Remember: Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

10. Never pass up an opportunity to go to the bathroom.

BALANCE SHEET OF LIFE : Really Thoughtful forwarded Email

BALANCE SHEET OF LIFE

Our Birth is our Opening Balance !

Our Death is our Closing Balance!

Our Prejudiced Views are our Liabilities

Our Creative Ideas are our Assets

Heart is our Current Asset

Soul is our Fixed Asset

Brain is our Fixed Deposit

Thinking is our Current Account

Achievements are our Capital

Character & Morals, our Stock- in -Trade

Friends are our General Reserves

Values & Behaviour are our Goodwill

Patience is our Interest Earned

Love is our Dividend

Children are our Bonus Issues

Education is Brands / Patents

Knowledge is our Investment

Experience is our Premium Account

The Aim is to Tally the Balance Sheet Accurately.

The Goal is to get the Best Presented Accounts Award.

Some very Good and Very bad things ….

The most destructive habit………………….Worry

The greatest Joy………………………….Giving

The greatest loss…………….Loss of self-respect

The most satisfying work……………Helping others

The ugliest personality trait………….Selfishness

The most endangered species………Dedicated leaders

Our greatest natural resource……………Our youth

The greatest ’shot in the arm’……….Encouragement

The greatest problem to overcome……………..Fear

The most effective sleeping pill……..Peace of mind

The most crippling failure disease…………Excuses

The most powerful force in life………………Love

The most dangerous pariah………………A gossiper

The world’s most in credible computer……..The brain

The worst thing to be without………………. Hope

The deadliest weapon…………………..The tongue

The two most power-filled words……………’I Can’

The greatest asset…………………………Faith

The most worthless emotion………………Self-pity

The most beautiful attire………………….SMILE!

The most prized possession…………….Integrity

The most powerful channel of communication…..Prayer

The most contagious spirit……………..Enthusiasm

Ten DIFFERENT ways to Propose a Girl : Funny and innovative

1. Walk up behind girl and point fingers shaped like gun into her back “You’re under arrest!”
For what? “For stealing my heart.”

2. Hi, my name is Chance, Do I have one?

3. Are your legs tired?
Girl: Why?
Because you have been running through my mind all day!

4. “I lost my phone number, can I borrow yours?”

5. Can you give me directions to your heart? I’ve seemed to have lost muself in your eyes.

6. Take a look at the tag on the girls shirt, jacket, etc.
She would say, “What are you doing?”
Respond: “Oh just checking to see if you were made in Heaven.”

7. Pick up a flower and walk tover to girl.
“I was just showing this flower how beautiful you are.”

8. Is it hot in here or is it you?

9.Walk up to a guy and say: “Are you from Greece?”
“No” he answers.
“Oh, I thought all the gods were from Greece”

10. GEE I FEEL LIKE RICHARD GERE STANDING BESIDE YOU ……….. PRETTY WOMEN

Valuable Love ... Nice Story : Romantic forwarded email

Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others, including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all constructed boats and left. Except for Love.

Love was the only one who stayed. Love wanted to hold out until the last possible moment.

When the island had almost sunk, Love decided to ask for help.

Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said,
"Richness, can you take me with you?"
Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you."

Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel. "Vanity, please help me!"
"I can't help you, Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat," Vanity answered.

Sadness was close by so Love asked, "Sadness, let me go with you."
"Oh . . . Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!"

Happiness passed by Love, too, but she was so happy that she did not even hear when Love called her.

Suddenly, there was a voice, "Come, Love, I will take you." It was an elder. So blessed and overjoyed, Love even forgot to ask the elder where they were going. When they arrived at dry land, the elder went her own way. Realizing how much was owed the elder,

Love asked Knowledge, another elder, "Who Helped me?"
"It was Time," Knowledge answered.
"Time?" asked Love. "But why did Time help me?"
Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and answered, "Because only Time is capable of understanding how valuable Love is."

We forget that the water cycle and the life cycle are one.

Friends... I know this is an unusual post w.r.t the goal of this forum. But through this post, I would like to spread awareness about the current water problem across Globe, and I would term it as 'Slow-Coming Global Disaster'.

If we dont awake now, may be our next generation would find it difficult to see their next generation.

------------------------

We forget that the water cycle and the life cycle are one. – Jacques Cousteau

The biggest users of water on the islands are homes & tourist accommodations. Now some places in the US have no choice but to watch their water consumption because of drought. Here are some easy to follow tips to save water and money. Kitchen Tips 1.      Soak pots and pans before washing. When washing dishes by hand, fill one sink or basin with soapy water. 2.      Fill the basin or a pan with water to wash fruits and vegetables. 3.      Keep a pitcher of water in the refrigerator rather than running tap water until it is cool enough to drink. 4.      When buying a new dishwasher, consider purchasing a water-saving model. 5.      Wash only full loads in the dishwasher. Bathroom Tips 1.      Replace older, larger-use toilets with the newer ultra-low flush models. 2.      Do NOT use the toilet to dispose of paper, facial tissues, or cigarettes. Take a five-minute shower. 3.      Install a low-flow showerhead. It can save about half the amount of water you typically use in the shower, while still providing a refreshing, cleansing shower. 4.      Turn the tap water off while brushing your teeth,  shaving, or washing your face. 5.      If the toilet flush handle frequently sticks in the flush position, letting water run constantly, replace or adjust it. Laundry Room Tips 1.      When buying a new clothes washer, consider purchasing a water-saving model. New horizontal axis models can save up to 40 percent of the water used by a conventional model. 2.      Wash only full loads in the clothes washer.  Outdoor Tips 1.      Don't overwater your landscape. It can cause yellowing leaves or poor plant health. 2.      Using a running hose to wash your car can waste about 400 litres of water. Using a bucket with a sponge plus a trigger nozzle on the hose will save you about 300 of those litres. 3.      If you own a pool, be sure to use a pool cover when it's not in use. This will cut down on evaporation losses and will keep it cleaner and warmer. Using some of these tips will surely save some water and hopefully some cash in the process.